i rise into flight & i break into song, into a thousand thousand pieces. they all have their own holy lives & they have their own wings as they fly off to do their own duties. surely songs are free beings with their own dharma after they emerge from the lips: they have their own journeys to set out upon. i carried them all when they were tender & small & it's time now to let them go free. i break out of the prison i carefully made out of rules, roles & regulations. i'm cutting the cords; i'm leaving the matrix. i'm fully out of the chrysalis now, shedding the confining tight old skin & spreading my wings into the rising sunlight. they glow & they know just where to go, & i am but a passenger. Shiva, these wings will take me to You: what else can be their purpose? what else can they do but take me to You? that's what this life is for.
i am like a summer storm in a dry land, bringing thunder & towering clouds & wind but no rain. there's a lot of hopeful noise in the sky but nothing much happens. where is my rain, Shiva? where is the blessing that surely must come? when does this end, this time of declaration in words, this offering to You, this small lonely prasad that few come to share? still will i offer it, for You have given me this sacred task to ripen me. this is the timely opportunity to detach from the opinions of others, to release the solemn people-pleasing child in me to go find healing in the comfort of nature's pure serene hidden places. let her walk with her sad, lonely craving, the emptiness inside calling out to be filled. let her live patiently without answers, bereft of understanding & shorn of meaning. let her suffer. & let it be enough. let it be finished, paid in full, unleashed & released. done. shelter me, Shiva, cover me over with Your holy love as i become free from this spent larval form i now inhabit while it morphs into the mature adult version: the one where i have wings & am not crawling on my belly for food. may the nectar of flowers empower me home to You, Shiva!
this very moment the hatchling finally cracks the egg-shell open, tumbling forth, naked, wobbly & damp, heartbeat sounding, breath whispering in, out, pulling "now" in, pushing out all that came before, repeating. this very moment the shy nestling gawks over the rim of the nest, body throbbing with her hunger, innocent eyes & mouth open wide. this very moment the brave fledgling dares to test her new wings in flight & plunges falling into the wind, which holds & lifts her high & free. I am Your fledgling, Shiva, urged from within to stretch my wings & fly, soaring with You beside me, ascending this very moment, right now!