today is broken glass, sharp edges, crippled promises, missed deadlines & forgotten friendliness. a lost child cries quietly, alone in a dim locked room in an attic. Shiva! You bring me the circumstances of these jagged hungry-ghost feelings to help me discover that they do indeed pass & do change & are not who i really am. Shiva, You keep breaking me open so i can discern the truth of my existence, or perhaps so i can find the pearl inside, made from the good intentions of others, imposed upon the soft tender innocence deep within. that pearl is not mine, nor do i claim it or desire it. it is Yours. only You can transform what the beauty hides. Shiva, i will cleave to You with unrelenting firmness as we resolve into the same essential beingness. here the wave of me merges into the ocean of You: here there is no broken glass, no lost child, not even words.
on all sides we are urged to action in this world, to produce & share & organize & maintain, to think & discriminate & improve ourselves. great divine beings are also doing their work, all the suns in the galaxies lighting the way, & there is no end to the busyness of action. dear Shiva, i want only to do that which You have set before me, step by step, for You alone. You are actor & the action & the acted-upon & i do nothing but appear here in this world. You reveal to me that which is now needful & it takes on a life of its own, like a story in a vast unfolding divine presentation. dear Shiva, i know You want me to be here but i don't know why, nor am i concerned with it. this is Your world, Shiva, & i am here for You. my own existence is truly action for You. You are my service, my life & my final stop as mind becomes weary of its survival games. You urge me to be aware only of You now & that is my most vital action in this world: to rest in Your refuge as wave rests in ocean.