to me You have no form, though i love the forms ascribed to You. You are essence, presence, numinous energy signature. You are within me as i move in the vast ocean of You. You signal to me through clouds & i reply in semaphore. my whole life is a semaphore, an action-adventure play designed to get Your attention, to call You to see my need. i tire of action & searching & i turn within to rest. so it is that in the calm of this silence, You come to me. You come. You come like the breeze, like dew at dawn, like the stars emerging out of nothingness into somethingness, calling out my name. You wrap around me as if skin, & i breathe You like the air until i grow bright as the crescent moon shining in Your hair, placed in the darkness of Your hair, no longer able to speak, silently rejoicing in You who are hidden in all forms. You are essence & presence, evoking deep recognition. You call Your own & i respond, fighting through forgetfulness. i continually move forward, slowly & steadily. Your energy is my primal imprint, marking me for You. i am Your agent of transformation coming home to You.
You live in my heart, Shiva, melting my resistance to transformation & its needful dissolution. this is a small pralaya, a time of rest & calm after the long intense birthing & care of the born. down from the mountain & into the plowed field is the natural path for water to flow, & for me too, past the resistance & ignorance, proceeding onward to the deepest place of the innermost sweet stillness. slowly bindings are easing, tangles are resolving & quietude is soothing the rough edges & rips. the surface is placid, the currents at rest for now. this is a small pralaya, a time of rest & calm. You live in my heart, Shiva, melting my resistance.
there's an emptiness i will not look at again, a hidden hole i will not fall into this time. day dissolves into night, turns into weeks & months. all softens & shifts in the blue melting distance & i cling to You now. i cannot do this alone. but with You it can finally be accomplished. You can do all that i am unable to do. just be here with me & keep me company while this great transformation rages in us all.
Shiva, Your cool rain is a sweet benediction, healing & soothing the raw edges of the heart. comfort me with rainbows, lift me upon Your clouds. i would float upon Your love, myself a blessing. the world is my field of dharmic group service now, yet You are my center & i hold fast to You. although i bend beneath the hard weight of this life, i do not fall nor do i neglect my duties. not by any virtue of mine, but through You alone is the work done, & the fruits of work go where You determine in Your mysterious, profound way. all is done by You, beyond human mind & heart. it is done by You & i am Your agent here on this blue planet which, itself, struggles toward a greater life in this primal cosmic cycle, time after time, aeon upon aeon, onward. we humans are Your transforming agents, Shiva, created, formed & born for Your service & grace. looking through the cosmic lens, i can see how we are the outreach of a vast emanating source. thus do i celebrate this opportunity to praise You, yearning to return to Your wholeness, resting in the cool downpour of Your cleansing rain.
You weave Yourself into the pattern of my life after childhood departs -- my cry for meaning calls You to me. You show me how to make an altar, tell me about the world appearing as pairs of opposite qualities. You teach me to balance opposites through You, by taking refuge in You. i cannot say that You save my life because first You tear it all apart. or i tear it apart because i can't stand the emptiness any more. You bring me to a mountain to serve & honor everything as sacred. You're the thread stitching all together in a pattern of pure symmetry. jewels are hidden in the design, dappled light, trees, foxes, bears & crows, sunlight glowing through mist & green leaves, birds carrying messages to gods. i have loved You in Your many forms. You are pattern, You are energy. You are the weaver & the woven, the rhyme that repeats in my lifesong, great maker & breaker of patterns. i am Your expression, Lord Shiva, i am You singing me into life, laughing in delight at our playing.