words are useful to describe the surfaces of things & how they
function. words are all about things: physical things, emotional
things, mental things & how they can combine into new things: ideas,
governments, stories, music, spaceships. it goes on & on & on.
deep down inside ourselves, fluidity & flow take place beyond
the known boundaries of the mind. here, the new & surprising may
surface like leaping fish in the clear light of the full moon, flashing
with ephemeral rainbows, splashing down as an invitation
to the depths. words have no place in this domain where subtle rays of
love & compassion are silently healing with blessings of light.
here, deep down inside ourselves is a formless realm, yet it can be
known as if we are dark-sighted birds of the night, riding on that
visualpurple edge of reality that magnifies the
shimmer of mystery & wonder. with inner commitment we
enter that realm & offer greetings of friendly benevolence
in ambient tones that have no words, yet overflow with meaning.
You show me this, Shiva. You reveal the sublime OM of silence:
how to blend into the inner realm through the pure sonic sweetness
that rises up from that formless abode like ageless healing mantras.
You help to open the hidden gateway at my core to release
the arcane subtle awareness of the divine presence in all.
i rest in this. i melt in this. i make my home here, Shiva, in
the midst of all that You are teaching me now, including words too!
the first thing that i understand clearly from You, Shiva–looking back
over the years–is the importance of dwelling on the good, the true
& the beautiful. all else is just not relevant to my purpose:
aligning my energies with influences that benefit & bless.
i had to want to turn away from darkness, bitterness & despair.
i had to do it again & again for years, turning away from
the old shadows, facing into the light. You kept urging me onward,
Shiva, sometimes with gentle sweetness & sometimes with a lashing whip.
thank You for being the goldsmith to my jagged lump of grimy gold, melting me down to the bare bones & building me up again, all smooth
& shiny to reflect the golden light of Your divine healing love.
may this mirror You have made of me dazzle the darkness with Your love.
satyam, shivam, sundaram: om namah Shivaya! om haum joom sah!
i was talking casually with my friend claire, glancing at her,
when suddenly You flash out of her eyes & into me by way
of the eye. there is no time. there is only a vast, inclusive,
infinite belonging & melting oneness. intelligent life
leaps & dances forth, sweeps me into sweetness beyond compare.
it is all i have ever longed for & it enters me fully.
it is me. i am That. yes! my heart knows the wordless truth of it.
& i blink & return back to the conversation with my friend.
meanwhile, no time has passed &, for her, nothing at all has happened.
i didn't know You by name then, Shiva, yet i am wedded to
You & have been since i was 13, a chosen child bride promised
to a vast warm being of power, capable of anything.
that is Your nature, Shiva, & my nature is to be with You.
a few months pass. i am a passenger in a car, holding my
infant daughter in my arms. i look into her eyes & again,
Shiva, You join with me through the portal of the eye of my child.
this merging has no words & no story, only blissful love &
infinite sweetness beyond slow clumsy words or comprehension.
it is from the far distant realm of my heart's true ancestral home.
& i blink, back in the body, as if no time had passed, as if
i were just sitting in a car with other people, holding a
baby, as if the day were typical & i wasn't now blessed.
for i surely am, for we all surely are blessed, yet lacking the
full vision, the deep realization. we can only gaze upon
the far shore, glowing in the distance, & sincerely intend to
journey there in the fullness of time. i call You by name, Shiva,
to strengthen the energy between us, to get Your attention
& to propel myself forward. i am like an arrow that is
already loosed from the bow-string, speeding unstoppably to You.
my attention is focussed fully on You, Shiva, my dharma
& my destiny, & my heart knows the deep subtle truth of it.