You are present in all things, Shiva, down to the quarks & electrons of existence. i ponder this as i consider the nature of the bi-valve oyster & mussel. these sea & freshwater beings make glowing pearls from irritants which enter their shells. they enclose the discomfort in smoothly cool soothing nacre, pale & opalescent & humans value these pearls greatly, finding them to be healing & peaceful to touch. perhaps pearls demonstrate that all problems & irritants are but the seeds of blessings, the potential to create lambent beauty & wonder from a most unlikely source. pearls are born from the suffering of creatures, yet they bring calm sustenance to the heart. perhaps somewhere divine devic beings are uplifted by the beauty that we can cultivate from our challenges & adversity as we bring gentle compassion to surround our sorrows & pain while we forgive ourselves into grace & harmony. we bring joy to the overseeing angels & devas who cheer us on to create shining pearls of beauty from our sincere urge to be whole & complete within, at peace. ah Shiva! all that i am is Yours, whether lustrous nacre or thickly darkened dust: i withhold nothing. i am completely Yours in all ways for i myself come from You. whether tears of joy or tears of sorrow: all are the primal seeds of pearls for Shiva. thus the suffering of life transforms into the cultivation of beauty's soft glow.
when i threw myself headlong & heartshort into the rowdy suffering of the world, You gave that to me, You allowed me the vividly intense experience i sought. thank You, Shiva. i learned to endure & to value the kindnesses that kindled my heart. when i wrapped myself deeply in my personal sorrows, You gave that to me as well. Your permissions were generous. my greed was strong & omnivorous & relentless. thank You, Shiva, for allowing me the deepening darkness that urged me to seek the light. when i called out to You in love & longing, You came to me & held me to Your heart. You remained with me as i meandered the obscure paths & the hard brightly paved ways. You turned my life around when You transported me in my car to a different road than the one i had set out upon. You wonder-bombed me, awed me silent, stunned & still. You got my attention, enraptured me, woke me up & laid a new path before me. on this new path we walk together & You teach me, remind me of what i forgot. You comfort me in the midst of discomfort. You instruct me as guide & companion. Shiva, for the time of intimacy to come i had to be stripped of my armor, my shiny conclusions & competence, & brought to the knees of my humility. it is here that i surrender my love to You & open to Your love beyond words. so it is that You place me here in Your service within the crucible of Your love. thank You, Shiva. without You all is hollow, yet dense enough to leave bruises behind. with You Life is rich & promising like an april sunrise on a sentinel hill in the pure realm of the devoted heart. i am Yours, Shiva. You are Lord of my heart.