i see that maya's way is to draw us into situations whereby strands of our connective energy are hooked & woven into it. many dramas will seek to involve us: family, national, global, plus hidden inner conflicts & struggles when all else is calm. it is unavoidable in the world of form. i notice this strongly now, being elderly & disabled & thus having less abundant energy. each cause that i feel called to champion, every imbalance or injustice i seek to ameliorate draws an energy thread to connect to it. thus i'm woven into the sociocultural web & am supporting its constructs with my prana & focussed intentions. hence i become mindful indeed of where i want my energy to flow. having less available energy, i must put it into what i most prioritize. Shiva, what efficiency You show to demonstrate maya & to teach me to cut the ties to that which serves me not! all that has been generationally established calls urgently for participation. family values, national priorities, social-enculturation: they all sing their majority-approved alluring siren songs. refusal is frowned upon: there is always a price to pay for freedom & mindfulness, yet it becomes necessary in time. You encourage & support awareness, dispassion & kindness, Shiva. Your voice eventually becomes more magnetic & powerful than maya as i travel on this journey with You. even negative events can serve a positive purpose by training the mind to be a detached observer. such clear vision can expand to reveal the pattern that eventually shows itself to be serving growth. understanding this, i no longer turn my back on Your guidance, Shiva. my heart goes out to You, blends with You in fact. all this reduces the attraction of maya. may we choose with care & may we be willing to pay the price of our choice. remaining in thoughtless thrall to maya will exact its own price, even as Shiva extracts His. i choose You, Shiva, & i willingly pay Your price, for maya is but a dream, empty & temporary. You, Shiva, are constant & You touch my heart with Your pure, holy love. i turn my back on the shadow-show of maya to embrace You, Shiva. i rest in You & take refuge.
the daily happenings around me are the distractions that delay going deep within to commune with You, Shiva. life in this earthly world is focussed upon outer events. You call me away from that to journey within my inner world to the wellspring of awareness. thus i must turn my back on the social demands of the outer world. i must find that internal source from which awareness arises & flows & i must remain with that, returning always to the central knowing that "i am", even in the midst of harsh discord & downfall. Shiva, i am asking for Your help, asking You to have no mercy toward my dullness & density, my declining ability & errors of thought. hold me close & repair the damage. hold me close & bless the shy & tender, the pure & innocent deep, deep within. hold me close to You & please help me to know that You see through these eyes; You hear through these ears & You live in this world as You function through me. hold me through the soul's dark night & hold me through my own & all others' ignorant stumbling towards the promise of light. i can no longer endure the dead weight of the darkness in this world's long struggle lightwards. yet of course i must. the work is before me, as You have given, & i continue on here in this eternal now. even as i rest against You, even as You hold me & i press against You so hard & deep that only You remain, this existence does continue on. i live in You & You live through me, as me. I press my lips to Yours & You speak through me, carrying me forward beyond the distractions of the world into Your body of bliss. I thank You for Your mercy.
some days i am like a cloud floating in the wide blue sky, sun streaming into me like fingers of divine blessing, wind carrying me effortlessly in a smooth swift flow. other days i slog my way through the thick mud of the day, struggling to take just one more step forward yet again in the endless trudging of step after step after step. some days i lay flat on my back in mud, surrendering to inertia like an old balloon slowly deflating. other days i say Your name before i fully awake, feeling You deep within the hidden chamber of my heart &, finding You there, lift my hands in glad salutation. today i see all these changing shapes of the shifting days, witness the flickering parade of possibilities. they are so real to the human self pushing through maya! my heart opens in compassionate wonder & soft love. i seek refuge in You, Shiva. i am Yours forever.