i am not the body-personality nor am i the author of the actions of that physical being. i am the observing awareness, the indwelling presence ever abiding beyond thought, who calmly witnesses. that which is done through the body's agency, because of the influence of the personality, belongs to that entity alone. it is not mine. i am the pure bright awareness enlivening the body: truly, i am not of the body. i am ever free, ever stainless, like a cloud in the sky, like space itself, just present, offering no resistance & no attachment. now i am standing on the threshold between body-personality & observing awareness. in daily life both flow with the evolving events of the moment. yet the body-personality has many ups & downs, whereas the awareness remains clear & steady, unattached to the outcome. this is what i contemplate in sadhana, Shiva. i currently am a fluctuating amalgam of spirit & matter. it's like that tremulous moment when the butterfly realizes that she is in the chrysalis & can remotely sense her wings slowly developing, but she herself is yet vulnerable & powerless to act. nor is it needful, for creation is unfolding & happening naturally, by itself, for all of us. ah Shiva! this sadhana is on-going, a way of life, & i am quite fundamentally drawn to it, attracted like the moth to her fulfillment in the fire of flaming truth. i am witness to the blazing conflagration.
we are vulnerable to the human world when we identify with the body & desire specific outcomes. without the body, how can we suffer or have problems? discomfort has its roots in the body & its artifact, the mind. all memory & body-based experience belongs to the physical domain & is in fact temporary, coming & going according to circumstances. i can find only one realm in life that remains constant & steady in the midst of this churning flow of change: the knowing that i exist. for the body-personality, this "i am" is akin to the universal vibration of OM. it's like a cosmic building block, the basis of causality & creativity. "i am" is a doorway accessing the subtle realm, a way out of attachment. these deep thoughts are given to us as keys for opening alternate realms through a change of focus, which helps us look beyond the body & the outer world for stability & truth. You gave me this download, Shiva. You showed this to me & i have truly taken it to heart. i firmly commit to following the "i am" to its sacred source, journeying with You, Shiva, for which i feel blessed & deeply grateful.