seeking – THIS HAPPENED

what do i seek out, time & again? what does my heart compel me
to search for? not money, fame or possessions. not status, land or
followers: i turn my back on those. what calls me? i face into
the rising sun, a fragrant red rosebush at my side, the sweet song
of a wood thrush soaring up from the nearby grove of tall oak trees.
nature comes closest to what i seek, & has helped to pass the time.
once i thought it was companionship with accepting people, but
that human realm is replete with shifting alliances, & it
ultimately offers no lasting truth. we seem to repeat the
old ingrained patterns of the dusty past while striving to break free.

i look for the absence of attachment, for freedom from the leash
that restrains my hands from removing the tightly knotted blindfold.
why do i look outside anyway? i only want You, Shiva.
although other things are attractive, my heart opens only to
You, my love: for You alone does the heart become warm & melt into
complete acquiescence. only for You does the body relax
its grasp upon the allure of the world. only for You, Shiva,
do i release all that i thought was true so that You can fill me
with the truth that brings me refuge forever within Your domain.
it is my true home. the heart knows this & has never forgotten.

there are no words to describe You adequately & hence many words appear, like birds singing in the rising dawn. they can't help themselves. it's their dharma to sing at first light. i can't stop myself from discerning You in varied ways. i sense You like water gently raining down upon me, drenching me with Your ten thousand glorious names & forms. everything points to You, turns to You, just as sunflowers yearn earnestly for the sun & track its course in the sky. i seek You in events & persist until i find You. with equal determination I turn my gaze inward & seek You within the hidden "i" of this persona. ah Shiva! i play hide & seek with You as though i were a mischievous deva lost in an earthly frolic. i stand behind these many words i write for You, meaning well, just like the dawn bird who sings so joyously, or the tall sunflower lifting its face up to worship the sun. it is the dharma of my sunflower heart to love You.