need is honed by the whetted knives of appetite & truly, Shiva, i hunger for You. gone are home & husband: only You remain to feel my need & only You, my panacea, can satisfy it. after the hard fall from grace comes humility. after the blessing of divine presence comes also humility, for what on earth can long endure? i am like an autumn butterfly floating in the wind as if a bright & tattered fallen leaf spiraling in circles not of my own choosing. i am being carried home, Shiva, on this long journey of return to You, yet another weary old butterfly coasting on worn ragged wings & deeply rooted instinct as the days grow shorter & cooler & the nights fall even colder. the crisp clear nights are overseen by orion & the pleiades, who make their promises & work their spell upon my stuttering heart. i am promised to You, Shiva, carried & cloistered by messengers who are following Your firm command. my life is not my own. even my need & appetite do not originate with me but come as endowments, strange puzzles concealing Your calling card & messages written in subtle sensory glyphs which You have taught me how to read. they say, "wear it out, burn it up, let it go & seek Me everywhere as we play hide & seek in this burning ground of purification called daily life on planet earth. I will carry you home at the end." "are we home yet, Shiva?" i ask Him like a child, again & again, & we giggle & play tag in body after body one more time.
the time to look within that the pandemic provides is a healing & integrative blessing, though strict. i know enough now not to confuse the wrapping of the gift with the real gift, which i receive gratefully. Shiva, i see that the sanatana dharma came to the west as theosophy & esotericism, telling the holistic tale that bridges cultures & lifestyles. we are more alike than different, preferring love over violence, gentleness over cruelty. we surge forward as a multitude toward the light. we stray only to learn the true nature of our need. we are ignited, blazing like a fire in winter, as we return to You, who are called by many names. You bring the sanatana dharma, ageless wisdom, the effulgence of eternal truth in daily life. the pandemic is the current opportunity to go within, emerging into Your dear embrace as we shed our ragged & broken crusty old skins for the supple skin of a newborn child in this world as we return to You, who are called by many names.