Shiva, You are the purity of light that sweeps across the psyche. You set forth that which i now need to know for dispelling the shadows falling over the vision, darkening, distorting & deadening. You encapsulate me, holding me in the purity of Your light as if i am an infant clasped in the mother's arms & suckled at her soft breast. Shiva, Your fragrance is so sweet that i am dissolving in it, becoming sweetness, emitting light like a beacon for lost travelers, or like a campfire kept burning through the night to hearten. Shiva, You are the intimacy of night, smoothing all the wrinkles & rough edges that tell of a long arduous journey, soothing the hungering heart with Your calm touch. the very atoms of You & i embrace & intermingle in communion that words cannot reveal. ah, but words can point the way & they can comfort & strengthen also, until the silence grows so deep that it muffles & floods all else but the purity of light & the long slow intimacy of the night.
i go through it again: the loss, the pain, the suffering & loneliness. again i cleave to You & give it all to You -- it's all i have to give! there is nothing to offer but the heaviness of the occluding flesh & the memorized stories about how it came to be the way it is. they are worn thin at the edges, ragged & smeared with multiple corrections. every day i throw them away again but they crawl back in the dark night. yet fewer words are there & the manuscript is thinner now over time, after these years of turning my back & resolutely walking away. oh Shiva! this is a hard lesson, all this emptiness & loneliness! it has held me down & had its ruthless way with me long enough indeed! You help me see the old eroding patterns to leave them. You guide me home. You come back for me relentlessly, You reach to me as i reach to You. i walked the cold solitary halls of separation & division & i'm headed for the door, Shiva, walking onward to full disclosure, where we share sweet infinite kindness & love without a word or a thought, & nothing stands in opposition or defense to the purity of love.