i now rise up from the ashes of purification, another
layer of ancient error burned away. again, in this manner, the
sadhana continues: a rising into the noon of consciousness
after descent into the dark interior to enkindle light.
darkness ever comes in service to light. they circle like dance partners
in the most ageless ritual union our ancestors understood.
Shiva, i come forth as Your shakti in a pure primordial way,
as Parvati, Her holy self, also does. it is long ordained thus:
that the seemingly separate polarities blend as one in truth, &
we all rise in time from the ashes of divine purification.
sadhana sincerely continues, in both the light & the ashes.
need is honed by the whetted knives of appetite & truly, Shiva,
i hunger for You. gone are home & husband: only You remain to
feel my need & only You, my panacea, can satisfy it.
after the hard fall from grace comes humility. after the blessing
of divine presence comes also humility, for what on earth can
long endure? i am like an autumn butterfly floating in the wind
as if a bright & tattered fallen leaf spiraling in circles not
of my own choosing. i am being carried home, Shiva, on this long
journey of return to You, yet another weary old butterfly
coasting on worn ragged wings & deeply rooted instinct
as the days grow shorter & cooler & the nights fall even colder.
the crisp clear nights are overseen by orion & the pleiades,
who make their promises & work their spell upon my stuttering heart.
i am promised to You, Shiva, carried & cloistered by messengers
who are following Your firm command. my life is not my own. even
my need & appetite do not originate with me but come as
endowments, strange puzzles concealing Your calling card & messages
written in subtle sensory glyphs which You have taught me how to read.
they say, "wear it out, burn it up, let it go & seek Me everywhere
as we play hide & seek in this burning ground of purification
called daily life on planet earth. I will carry you home at the end."
"are we home yet, Shiva?" i ask Him like a child, again & again,
& we giggle & play tag in body after body one more time.