personality – THIS HAPPENED

Shiva, i forgot that Your timely cameo appearances are often
coupled with deep inner need & suffering. such profound intensity sends
powerful impulses throbbing, cascading through the ethers, which serves as Your
invitation. it calls You to me. thus, You explain the usefulness &
value of suffering to the awakening soul seeking non-attachment.

You tell me that the more powerfully impacted the ego is by things,
the less able it is to maintain its iron-strong grip on its favorite
worldviews. over time & repeated impacts, the ego becomes more & more
unsettled, & therefore more likely to diminish. it becomes weary of
hanging on, & can consider other possibilities & perspectives.

what is the ego? the ego is the mind's devoted interface tool, the
product of primal biological survival instincts. it is convinced
of the absolute necessity that the body continue to exist.
the ego is a survival strategy, determined that it must be right.

when the body is worn down by sufficient suffering, especially the
low-level continuing suffering, attachment to the known & certain
weakens & decreases. new space opens up in the mind, & humble inner
purification takes place deep within the unexplored mind & in the heart.
the thoroughness of this purification is necessary to bring the
hidden darkness to light & to move through it with dignity & bravery.

hold me through this one, Shiva! hold me tightly! together we can comfort the
bewildered personality who kneels in exhaustion upon her knees in
weary & sincere prayer & mantra. this is in Your hands now, Shiva. i
am as powerless here as a small child, except to cling to You with all the
many hands of my heart, as what once seemed to be two is now known to be One.

Shiva, You reach out to me through everything: through the high blue sky & through a sudden breath of ambient air, warmer than the surroundings. You stroke my cheek & my brow with gentle caressing intimacy & thus i know--oh, i do know!--that You are here with me now, tenderly murmuring "I love you" in the sweet subtle language You have taught me. You are the sky pressing softly against me & the wind is Your breath. You whisper to me that the body is a sacred vessel & that the personality is loved just as much as a tiny kitten is loved by mother in spite of its silly antics & accidents. You lift me up in ways i can't describe & You wrap me safe within the sky of You as if i am a gift offered to the storied world. i am a gift: a virgin, holy mother & visionary crone. i am Yours. All the roles & parts we humans play, we ultimately give to You, for the gift & the giver are actually one in fact, just as the deep blue sky is both space & atmosphere. Thank You, Shiva, for respecting who i am inclusive of this fleeting human form.