the pearl inside

today is broken glass, sharp edges, crippled promises,
missed deadlines & forgotten friendliness. a lost child cries
quietly, alone in a dim locked room in an attic.

Shiva! You bring me the circumstances of these jagged
hungry-ghost feelings to help me discover that they do
indeed pass & do change & are not who i really am.

Shiva, You keep breaking me open so i can discern
the truth of my existence, or perhaps so i can find
the pearl inside, made from the good intentions of others,
imposed upon the soft tender innocence deep within.
that pearl is not mine, nor do i claim it or desire it.
it is Yours. only You can transform what the beauty hides.

Shiva, i will cleave to You with unrelenting firmness
as we resolve into the same essential beingness.
here the wave of me merges into the ocean of You:
here there is no broken glass, no lost child, not even words.

like the ocean

when i talk to You, Shiva, detachment slowly happens.
no longer can i repeat the tired old stories in my head.
they dissolve & show their essential unreality
as patterns that keep repeating habit-like in the mind.
they are just snapshots of a passing moment, inflated,
grasped, given importance by other's firm opinions.

the mind is choked with all this mental debris, mirroring
the rafts of plastic garbage cluttering our blue oceans
& the poisons leaching from dumps, fouling the groundwater.

i won't go there anymore. i feel the danger. i know.

i turn my back on the chatter of inner dialogue
& face toward You, Shiva, who has shown me this wisdom.
You are the antidote to the poison i have swallowed
& i hold fast to You, placing You foremost in the mind.
purify my thoughts, Shiva, please remind me of You.
i want You to fill the mind with Your clarity & light.
i want to fall into You like a rushing waterfall!
catch me like the ocean that i may dissolve into You!