today is broken glass, sharp edges, crippled promises, missed deadlines & forgotten friendliness. a lost child cries quietly, alone in a dim locked room in an attic. Shiva! You bring me the circumstances of these jagged hungry-ghost feelings to help me discover that they do indeed pass & do change & are not who i really am. Shiva, You keep breaking me open so i can discern the truth of my existence, or perhaps so i can find the pearl inside, made from the good intentions of others, imposed upon the soft tender innocence deep within. that pearl is not mine, nor do i claim it or desire it. it is Yours. only You can transform what the beauty hides. Shiva, i will cleave to You with unrelenting firmness as we resolve into the same essential beingness. here the wave of me merges into the ocean of You: here there is no broken glass, no lost child, not even words.
when i talk to You, Shiva, detachment slowly happens. no longer can i repeat the tired old stories in my head. they dissolve & show their essential unreality as patterns that keep repeating habit-like in the mind. they are just snapshots of a passing moment, inflated, grasped, given importance by other's firm opinions. the mind is choked with all this mental debris, mirroring the rafts of plastic garbage cluttering our blue oceans & the poisons leaching from dumps, fouling the groundwater. i won't go there anymore. i feel the danger. i know. i turn my back on the chatter of inner dialogue & face toward You, Shiva, who has shown me this wisdom. You are the antidote to the poison i have swallowed & i hold fast to You, placing You foremost in the mind. purify my thoughts, Shiva, please remind me of You. i want You to fill the mind with Your clarity & light. i want to fall into You like a rushing waterfall! catch me like the ocean that i may dissolve into You!