nursing home life

i see the people who live here & the people who work here
coming & going, coming & going, like a human tide.
this is nursing home life, the last stronghold of the weary form,
the final chance for deconstruction & renunciation
of body-self identification, countdown to release
the encumbrances of earthly life. i seek to use it well.

the intention is to show that it's never too late to serve
the vast Beingness interpenetrating all life & form.
names & shapes come & go, ebb & flow, yet the Nameless remains.
the Nameless comes forth to us all through the veil of name & form,
therefore Shiva has come to me even through my ignorance.
i honor this time & the One who holds me like a lover.

He is here & i will go with Him when the tide rushes out.
names & shapes come & go, ebb & flow, yet the Nameless remains.

pandemic lll

this is a global culling event,
a time of physical alertness,
a time of challenge to compassion.
this is a time when the greater good
for the greatest number is questioned
& ignored by many who value
personal will above group service.

do You call me to You now, Shiva?
am i one of the expendable ones
in this intense global culling time?
i am old, an economic drain,
if the material world counts most.
my offered gifts are not tangible,
nor do they serve current social needs.
Shiva, i am glad You came to me
& i will freely return to You
whenever You call me to come back.

what a drama of the human heart
are these times of global suffering!
it is no doubt a good time to die,
thus i stand with You, at peace myself.
the body is all Yours anyway,
always has been & always will be.
i am content & ready to leave,
to return to You who are my source.
let be what is needful, use me well!
gratitude to You is what remains
& in this world, that is sufficient.

pandemic II

here i am, Shiva!
covered with tissue
wrapped in thick cotton
tied up with strong twine
placed in a small box
hidden on a shelf
in a secured room
in a sealed safe house
on a quiet street
in the far outskirts
of a small city
known to very few.

this nursing home life!
protected & guarded
like national treasure
which cannot be touched!
touch me now, Shiva!
You have compassion
for the outcast ones
who live in shadow
yet rejoice in light.
here i am, Shiva!

blessing

because the body is now old
i reside in a nursing home.
i look back over my lifetime,
piecing its events together
from a wide-angled perspective.
i don't look at other's judgements
but at the many blessings that
You have given to me, Shiva.

now i have sufficient distance
from all the stories & events
to see that they all point to You.
no others have seen this for me
or could see it from the outside.
neither did i see it until
old age slowed me down & illness
forced me to change my point of view.

with Shiva enthroned in my heart,
pulling the veils away slowly,
i see disaster transform to
positive redirection, grace.
i observe shame disappearing
in the light of understanding.

i see You in all that happens
through revelation & insight.
i see Your graciousness to me
even during my ignorance.

my life is now service & gift
when i look through the clear lens
that reveals the arcane patterns
of blessings concealed from the world
& the slicing gaze of skeptics.
behind the apparent events
i see Your divine hand at work,
hidden from the sight of others,
signaling to me of Your love.

i am grateful, my Lord Shiva!
i am grateful You came to me,
that You taught me & guided me
throughout this long life that others
could neither comprehend nor bless.
You are all that i desire &
all that i seek or attend to.
You have chosen me as Your own
& i rest in Your protection.
You are the heart of this life
& all that i need & want.

lullabies

the sounds of a nursing home late at night echo
dull background humming of central climate control
murmur of someone's tv down the long hallway
sharp clatter of an object falling to the floor
a soft low moaning cry in a frail shaking voice
the quick rhythm of a nurse's hurried footsteps
sudden boom of thunder & hard rain drumming down.
the musical tones in my head rising falling
focussed mind repeating my beloved mantra
singing silent sacred lullabies to Shiva
in the warm arms of the transformative darkness
om namah Shivaya on namah Shivaya