i'm seven years old when i see my first ufo. i'm by a tree
in front of our housing unit at the air force base, looking way up
in the tree to find a hummingbird nest. i have seen the hummingbird
flying in there, so i am sure there is a nest high in the branches.
motion in the sky beyond the crown of the tree grabs my attention.
i see a small silver disc shining in the blue sky, & i forget
about the hummingbird nest in a flash. my eyes are focussed upon
the silver disc, moving in ways i have never seen before. in full
flight, it suddenly reverses direction, zooms a bit, then swiftly
changes direction again! i know that this must be a ufo!
as my mind lights up with this awareness, the ufo makes a few
more full speed direction changes & then, it fades swiftly to mist.
it disappears. i study the sky for a while longer, but can't find
the ufo anywhere. i'm excited by this small & quiet
adventure, treasuring it silently in my heart, not wanting to
disclose it to my parents. i have learned to keep the most important
realizations to myself by now. what i do not know is that my
father had been on the air force investigative team that viewed the
ufo at roswell, new mexico, in nineteen forty seven.
my mother & i were there, but we knew nothing of the ufo
incident then. it was held in top secrecy from all at that time.
in my later years, i sometimes do wonder if that first ufo
i see is checking me out because i had been there too, at roswell,
new mexico at that ripe time of top secret alien presence.
i remember the afternoon there when i noticed that the workers
building a new house have left the basement door open when they go home,
& i am quite eager to explore this new territory. as i
stand at the top of the steps & look down into the basement, i am
struck by how very dark it is. i choose to ignore the darkness, &
i step down yet another step deeper into the basement. now the
darkness is intense, most powerful, & it seems to be pushing me
away from it. i'm determined to explore, so i step another
step deeper into the cool darkness, moving resolutely onwards.
suddenly i can't take the pressure from the darkness any longer.
i am done. this is it. the body leaves the basement much faster than
it entered. in fact, as i leave, scrambling as fast as i can up the
stairs, i feel my first touch of a deep dark absolute fear. i feel that
i am being driven out of this basement. I run all the way home.
have i tuned in to the alien's terror as they deal, injured, with
aggressive official questioners? have they warned me away? i have
wondered about the compelling quality of that primal fear that
can push me from a place of such absolute darkness out into the light.
i have seen more recent ufos too, again moving in ways that
our human aircraft have not yet quite mastered. perhaps Shiva has an
elite fleet of spacecraft docked in Mount Kailash to prepare us for change
to come? He is certainly helping me to maintain alertness &
focus, especially through these poems, for which dharma i am grateful!
i am enraptured by the songs of the mountains! their huge throats are
vastly deep & they reach up high where the air is cool & refined.
the earth itself offers up its sacred bass voice to these mountains.
they sing divine mantras & wordless praise songs of celebration
& they hum OM ceaselessly. sometimes i can feel it in my bones.
they hum OM ceaselessly & this pervades my very cells, provides
a foundation on which i can stand firm, be open to receive. thus
receiving, i myself become kin to the tall singing mountains,
sustaining the foundation of this ephemeral existence.
Mount Kailash is Shiva's beloved abode because He honors
that holy mountain's primordial song. sometimes i can hear the
two of them harmonizing all through the night & long into the morning.
i hold their song dear & i softly weave my voice in also.
i watch the exodus of the fall leaves from the trees; crispy red, yellow, orange & brown against the cerulean sky. some leaves simply let go & drift slowly to the ground among the other fallen leaves. ah, but some leaves are teased from the silent trees by the busy hands of the wind & whirled on a great journey, as if on a pilgrimage to holy Mount Kailash. they spin in spirals, almost describing arcane esoteric glyphs of power & vision; up, up into the sky & onward beyond my ken.
i ponder on those soaring leaves, taken up through no intention of their own to sail through the deep mystery into the light. they appear to be no different from the other leaves that simply fall softly to the earth & lie there unnoticed. who can say that wind-surfing half the world away to Kailash is any more auspicious than quietly yielding to ones destiny without fanfare, & nobly enduring? in the end, Shiva holds us all to his breast like lost children come home to be cherished at last. in the end, when it all folds up again, we return to our innocence.
i see such a narrow slice of life: in essence, a micro-reality,
the tiny zoomed-in view of a single pixel on its little adventures
in wonderland. with education, training & practice, the questing pixel
of me can see ever more extensive hierarchies of agreed-upon
participation. so many configurations seem possible, & with
eager caution i try a selection of them. but i see such a narrow
slice of reality that the choices seem quite limited indeed. what if
i turn my focus from the various choices of configuration to
the source of them all? what if i shift my attention from the activity
itself to That which is the originating source of it, the focal point?
what underlies & overlights all this strange dreamlike realm? i am ready for
awareness of a larger slice of existence & i set out to find it.
psychoactive substances can offer a preview, an in-depth sample. they
can indeed reveal more & can encourage one to walk the spiritual
path. yet the real deep inner work must be done in every state of consciousness.
it must be the sincere application of devoted intelligence, plus
the focussed desire to realize the central divine essence of the vast
complex surrounding multiplicity that we find ourselves held within.
as for my narrow little pixel-sized slice of reality: i embrace
it & honor it as best i can with what i've got, & then i set it free.
i have done this for years & finally, now at last, You have told me Your name,
& You are truly an amazing wild card! Shiva! this is the best plot twist
ever in my life! that which i had considered could somehow be imagined
is now brought to light & stands revealed like Mount Kailash when the clouds part & the
sun touches its face in kinship. Shiva! it really is You, taking me
beyond the old maya of unworthiness. "why pick me?' i would ask, feeling
that a mistake had been made. yet here i must also acknowledge, "why not me?"
for it's only through Your holy grace, Shiva, that the puzzle pieces are placed
together & the picture emerges completely. this is Your grace alone.
i am a spark of Your sacred flame, alight in gratitude, burning with love.
my narrow slice of reality stands as a portal into You, Shiva.