i welcome You, Beloved, to the open door of my waiting heart.
all has been cleaned & blessed, Shiva. the air is scented with sandalwood
& flowers are heaped in woven baskets: gardenias & hyacinths,
roses & violets, honeysuckle & wisteria. i am
drunk with the celebration of flowers, their laughter like tiny bells,
their presence honoring You, Beloved who lives deep within. You are
the raw living fire of consciousness, burning me sweetly, lifting me
gently. i am Yours to consume utterly, to imbibe & savor.
in this way i return to You, origin & source, who give me life
even before time begins, bringing gifts of flowers & love that has
no beginning or end but swallows us all fully into itself.
here i am again, Beloved! let's dance this dance where two become one
without a second & all melts into love scented with sandalwood.
i welcome You, Beloved, to the open door of my waiting heart.
need is honed by the whetted knives of appetite & truly, Shiva,
i hunger for You. gone are home & husband: only You remain to
feel my need & only You, my panacea, can satisfy it.
after the hard fall from grace comes humility. after the blessing
of divine presence comes also humility, for what on earth can
long endure? i am like an autumn butterfly floating in the wind
as if a bright & tattered fallen leaf spiraling in circles not
of my own choosing. i am being carried home, Shiva, on this long
journey of return to You, yet another weary old butterfly
coasting on worn ragged wings & deeply rooted instinct
as the days grow shorter & cooler & the nights fall even colder.
the crisp clear nights are overseen by orion & the pleiades,
who make their promises & work their spell upon my stuttering heart.
i am promised to You, Shiva, carried & cloistered by messengers
who are following Your firm command. my life is not my own. even
my need & appetite do not originate with me but come as
endowments, strange puzzles concealing Your calling card & messages
written in subtle sensory glyphs which You have taught me how to read.
they say, "wear it out, burn it up, let it go & seek Me everywhere
as we play hide & seek in this burning ground of purification
called daily life on planet earth. I will carry you home at the end."
"are we home yet, Shiva?" i ask Him like a child, again & again,
& we giggle & play tag in body after body one more time.
she feels it first & deepest. it is undeniable: the call.
it reaches deep down inside & wraps around her heart pulling her
insistently to her feet, impelling forward, onward, upward!
her wings spread wide, she leaps into the air & the call lifts her up.
the call blends with the wind & she is airborne, soaring in the sky.
a great etheric trail follows in her wake, a sign for action.
it is the vitalizing scent of the call, invoking the flock.
the other members of the flock are mesmerized & magnetized,
enchanted by the alluring trail that invites them to follow.
as one, they beat their wings in a low thrumming thunder, lifting up
into the welcoming surges of wind in the high clear sky: what
a rush it is! what a perfect activity: balancing on
the currents of magnetic energy pulsating from the heart
of the earth to her winged children calling out gladly in flight.
moving in supportive harmony together, the living cloud
of birds dances in tandem with the magnetic heart of the earth,
shaping messages of encouragement on the dome of the sky.
the lead bird now melds into the greater flock in the natural
flow of the long group flight that the planet has set into motion.
a new lead bird moves seamlessly in place to guide the flock's journey.
they follow the call of the living earth to their new food & shelter.
i hear the call too. it sounds like OM & it feels like love, & it
comes from You, Shiva, plunging deeply within, irresistible.
my heart flies with the flock, held safe in the arms of heaven & earth,
each wingbeat a prayer, every utterance a sacred mantra.
i receive each event in life as if it is a message from You,
Shiva. i pay attention. I self-review, scan for synchronicities
& patterns. I detach from particulars & look for general themes.
i open to intuition & focus in the heart, seeking guidance.
whatever may reveal itself, i hold in my heart & search deep to know
how it can bless. i look for the blessing to unfold & reveal itself,
& i thank You, Shiva, for transforming my life & opening my heart.
in the vastness of multidimensionality, You make Yourself known
in Your own way to each of us. no one is left out or overlooked in
the cascading divine abundance of descending ambrosial grace.
You draw near to us according to our ability to receive You,
hence You have innumerable names in this realm of many diverse forms.
Your subtle essence is beyond all name & form, filling the willing heart.
thus it is that i search every event in life for its message from You
& i concentrate focussed attention as if my life depends on it,
for it surely does! thank You for the pure blessing of Your presence, Shiva.
i have seen subtle rainbows hidden in the deep shadows of night.
it's as if i am looking into the farthest reaches of space
& see others looking back at me, smiling & waving hello.
they gently assure that sublime shining wonders are on the rise.
they say that the energies within the form have full intention
to bless & nurture regardless of my shy, cautious reception.
they assure me that i am completely love-immersed, even in
harsh circumstances & human neglect & rejection. they say
that to exist is amazing & that love does not need a form
to express: that love is like gravity, like sun, water. it holds
us in close encounter on this planet, preparing us for new
adventures in maya, challenging human selfishness with the
call to group work & global cooperation. the rainbows of
the night shadows are prophets & healers, giving encouragement
in the deepest gloom & despair, emissaries of the soothing
darkness that Shiva settles over one to promote wise insight.
the seed is buried in darkness to grow & send out hands reaching
for the light, drinking sunshine with the whole body & rejoicing
with no consideration for the shadows of the night to come.
Shiva, thank You for the guidance of the inner rainbow, taking
its rise in the cultivated heart. even in the disquiet
of utmost darkness & disintegration, You are my strength.
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
You are raining down on me today, Shiva, the cool raindrops of
You blessing the heat of the skin. the body is sending You a
love letter of pure light inscribed by the flames dwelling in this heart.
it's a subjective light show, the inner fire & water meeting
to celebrate a magnificent love: it's You, of course, Shiva:
You are the transcendent over-lighting energy that inspires
from morning to morning. so rain on me, please, Shiva! Your holy
healing rain only adds to the celebration of the heart &
deepens the internal communion that so cleanses & renews.
i am a friend to the birds of the night who emerge out of
the liminal spaces where light & dark meet & dance & blend.
we call out our wild joy to the moon & stars who now come forth
from their seclusion to shine soft subtle light into hidden
realms of moving misty forms, shifting through beckoning shades of
visibility. i am called beyond my borders by them,
enticed by these swirling shapes that glide, turn & recede from me
with the flowing meandering moves of those from somewhere else.
Shiva, lord of darkness & light, You are also truly lord
of us liminal people, drawn like moths to Your fiery love.
we sing with the birds of the holy night: the owls, whippoorwills
& chuck-will's-widows. like the drunkards brash midnight serenade,
we are loud & we won't stop our eager full-throated calling,
our powerful celebration of this transitional time.
i am a friend to the birds of the night who emerge out of
the liminal spaces to proclaim our heart's vision to You,
who wear the moon in Your hair & like to hear our songs: Shiva!
the banner of Your love flies for all outsiders such as we.
there are different ways of knowing than by form alone. there are alternate ways of being than those offered by the urging of consensus sociocultural demands. they will find you when you are made more tenderly receptive by forces vaster than you can understand or encompass.
it feels like destruction & devastation: the spaciousness! the bones of the old order no longer demanding your flesh, the freedom of nothing remaining to lose, save or cling to. you may fall into the heart of gravity or glide in winds of the cosmic breath of OM. you may pause at the still center beyond human thought as the divine play of polarity sets the cost of exit & ushers you through the dark doorway.
into the void you descend, the nothingness: but what sweetness pervades that mysterious emptiness! what love flows warmly through the center of the heart! there are many other ways of knowing than by form. Shiva, this i learned & now share freely in the same way that birds feel the urge to sing in glad wonder as the new day reveals rising light; or as the flower spreads the fist of the bud into petals held wide like fingers to salute You, Shiva, & bask in the rays of the newborn sun.
the body is elderly, yet the dweller within is ageless.
activity is limited by a medical condition,
yet the heart-center is online & the inner work continues
with vivid dedication & continuous cultivation.
in another realm i dwell as timeless receptive consciousness.
the many realms interpenetrate & i am in them all in
various conditions. the bodies change, yet i continue the
journey of increasing awareness & consequent devotion.
when words are available i rejoice, Shiva, i rejoice that
i am able to see a more expansive vision through Your grace.
the constraints of the physical realm dissolve in other domains.
the body is elderly, yet the dweller within is ageless,
returning repeatedly to the wholeness of heart-consciousness.
i am aware of You, yet there is no separation present.
we are blended consciousness, distinct yet simultaneously
combined as well. love is the substratum of our union, Shiva.
who i really am does not need a physical body to be.
i am forever You at heart, eternally Your expression,
dedicated to You as only ones deepest Self can be. here
now is the pure land in mellow shining glory, the beating of
the divine heart of the world sounding OM, sounding OM, sounding hOMe!
the body comes & goes, comes & goes, & You go on forever,
Shiva of numberless names, including the name i once thought was mine.
there is a sunrise in my heart. with each breath the sunglow increases; with every thought of You, Shiva, the passing moment warms & brightens. this sunrise of You fills me completely & i become a fountain.
there is a sunrise in my heart & love wells forth, showering gently down, falling like a nourishing rain into all the thirsty places. the cracked soil softens & brings forth tender shoots of green that flow like grace through hidden lowlands & the wild places of nature, my own as well.
a chorus of birds is singing in the light that leaks from the sunrise in my eager open heart. they fly to me now, bringing gifts of ferns, flowers & leaves. they recognize Your energy signature, Shiva.
there is a sunrise in my heart, a faithful guiding light that persists & ever returns to its sentinel post, comfortingly present. in this light the sacred subtle dimensions soar luminous, revealed, & You beckon to me compellingly to stand with You in the light. like a falcon returning to the falconer's arm, i come to You.
i was blind for much of my life, Shiva:
blind to Your presence & power, to You
as the essence & core of all things &
beings. i was unaware & drifting.
i was blind to all but the surface. the
superficial outer aspect lulled me
to sleep in a deep hypnotic dreaming
that was decades in length & deadening.
yet night turns to day inevitably,
thus i finally awaken when You
relentlessly thrust me forth from my rut.
it was furnished with my favorite things,
though i chafed at its narrow restrictions.
now my sight returns & i see the truth
of Your presence. there's no escaping it.
now that i see Your ubiquity, my
heart frees the old bolts that held the door closed.
my heart is vowed & pledged to You, Shiva.
although i am a late bloomer, You wait
until my blossom is full wide open.
now i am here before You, patiently
offering it to You in tender love.
i'm blinded by the outer no longer,
coming to You stripped of worldly dowry.
i am transparent to Your ceaseless light,
rainbows shining wherever You touch me,
words dissolving like darkness into dawn.
there are no words to describe You adequately & hence
many words appear, like birds singing in the rising dawn.
they can't help themselves. it's their dharma to sing at first light.
i can't stop myself from discerning You in varied ways.
i sense You like water gently raining down upon me,
drenching me with Your ten thousand glorious names & forms.
everything points to You, turns to You, just as sunflowers
yearn earnestly for the sun & track its course in the sky.
i seek You in events & persist until i find You.
with equal determination I turn my gaze inward
& seek You within the hidden "i" of this persona.
ah Shiva! i play hide & seek with You as though i were
a mischievous deva lost in an earthly frolic.
i stand behind these many words i write for You, meaning
well, just like the dawn bird who sings so joyously, or the
tall sunflower lifting its face up to worship the sun.
it is the dharma of my sunflower heart to love You.
holy is the rapture of fire & water, playing
as spirit & matter, Shiva & Shakti, uniting.
ah Shiva! let us float upon the waves of fond regard
&, rising as mist, leave it all fading behind as we
become transparent, as we become the splendor of light,
as we become pure rainbow & nebulous aurora.
oh Shiva! this dance of luminous flowing shapes dissolves
into nameless effulgence of electrons! yet still You
generously consent to these pale words as pointers
toward that alluring numinous love calling us home.
You are my home, Shiva, my heart's abode & resting place;
i traverse this labyrinth of life securely in You.