some things just stubbornly insist on happening, mo matter how many corrective measures we take in full sincerity of purpose to change the outcome. we do all that we know how to amend it, without result.
we term it destiny, fate, karma, yet still we determinedly work to change it to a desired agreeable outcome. we are called proactive, take-charge, fired-up, & are encouraged in our actions by the opinions of others near us & by all we have ever learned in society.
repeatedly we throw ourselves into doing what it seems to take to obtain our chosen outcome, yet somehow again, so strangely, still nothing changes in a fundamental way. words are said, promises are made, new plans are put in place & yet, amazingly, nothing different happens.
this is the point at which we need to realize that vaster forces are in motion & they are beyond individual efforts to change, no matter how sincere our urges or how deserving of merit we are.
we are now in the midst of a lesson we need to learn, although we may not be aware of it. this is the time to be the detached observer & to stand back, unattached, as events play out, watching carefully for our cue to act & the timing of the action. we are not in control of events, although we can learn to adapt & flow without resistance.
we learn to be grateful that we can grow in awareness & compassion, even here in this audience participation comedy-drama. it's called maya lila, the laughter & play of this weird world of stories that hint not to take it all dead seriously. a strong sense of humor becomes an excellent survival strategy down here in the maya of jagat, a place where we must learn to turn to the higher powers for help. the whole universe is waiting for us to mature & take our place as co-creators with the Holy Ones, such as Shiva, who is no doubt cheering us on at this very pregnant moment of opportunity.
i go through it again: the loss, the pain, the suffering & loneliness.
again i cleave to You & give it all to You -- it's all i have to give!
there is nothing to offer but the heaviness of the occluding flesh
& the memorized stories about how it came to be the way it is.
they are worn thin at the edges, ragged & smeared with multiple corrections.
every day i throw them away again but they crawl back in the dark night.
yet fewer words are there & the manuscript is thinner now over time,
after these years of turning my back & resolutely walking away.
oh Shiva! this is a hard lesson, all this emptiness & loneliness!
it has held me down & had its ruthless way with me long enough indeed!
You help me see the old eroding patterns to leave them. You guide me home.
You come back for me relentlessly, You reach to me as i reach to You.
i walked the cold solitary halls of separation & division
& i'm headed for the door, Shiva, walking onward to full disclosure,
where we share sweet infinite kindness & love without a word or a thought,
& nothing stands in opposition or defense to the purity of love.