Shiva, i forgot that Your timely cameo appearances are often
coupled with deep inner need & suffering. such profound intensity sends
powerful impulses throbbing, cascading through the ethers, which serves as Your
invitation. it calls You to me. thus, You explain the usefulness &
value of suffering to the awakening soul seeking non-attachment.
You tell me that the more powerfully impacted the ego is by things,
the less able it is to maintain its iron-strong grip on its favorite
worldviews. over time & repeated impacts, the ego becomes more & more
unsettled, & therefore more likely to diminish. it becomes weary of
hanging on, & can consider other possibilities & perspectives.
what is the ego? the ego is the mind's devoted interface tool, the
product of primal biological survival instincts. it is convinced
of the absolute necessity that the body continue to exist.
the ego is a survival strategy, determined that it must be right.
when the body is worn down by sufficient suffering, especially the
low-level continuing suffering, attachment to the known & certain
weakens & decreases. new space opens up in the mind, & humble inner
purification takes place deep within the unexplored mind & in the heart.
the thoroughness of this purification is necessary to bring the
hidden darkness to light & to move through it with dignity & bravery.
hold me through this one, Shiva! hold me tightly! together we can comfort the
bewildered personality who kneels in exhaustion upon her knees in
weary & sincere prayer & mantra. this is in Your hands now, Shiva. i
am as powerless here as a small child, except to cling to You with all the
many hands of my heart, as what once seemed to be two is now known to be One.
it happens once that a river bids me to come & lie on its
long water-smoothed swathes of stone beach & touch its fossil runes &
time-sculpted stone poetry. the wisdom of the heart informs my
fingertips & i am enraptured by the river: its limestone
bluffs, meandering expanses of tactile river-refined stones.
they tell aeonic-long tales of the survival & ascension
of creatures from another geological age than this one.
they move me to my deepest heart & core. here at the core i find
my sincere root connection to this life, this realm wherein i now
find this body. it is embedded in the moment just as the
fossil beings are embedded in stone. i am not separate
from all that surrounds & supports me. i too am an expression
of Shiva here. what a grand dance this truly is: the minerals
in these bones & the dust on the moon, all one big cosmic event!
i tell this to the river as we lie on the stones in the sun,
blessed by the touch of warmth right down to our boulders, pebbles & bones.
i share my last dream, in which the river blesses me with a stone
imprinted with the stylized shape of an eye. this is the potent
dream--my invitation--that brings me here today, down the long rough
country road to the hidden winding path toward the swift river.
this Shiva-blessed river is kin to the great Ganges springing
from snow-melt in the far Himalayan heights half a world away.
i tell this to the river as we lie side by side in the sun.
once again i feel time & space shift & blend inexplicably,
a fresh fossil moment showing its story to be seen & known,
not hidden any more. we have no secrets, stripped down to essence,
to the wholeness of all existence. the river & i, under
the sun & sky: we lie together on the bedrock of it all
& Shiva holds us in the fullness of His pure eternal love.
He is another sun, hidden behind the one we see, concealed
within the mystery of the secret chamber within the heart.
the river knows this mystery too & is smiling in the way
that rivers can: with a thousand thousand bright shining glints of light.
now at my feet i see revealed the sacred stone of my deep dream,
emerging to be my talisman & companion wherever
Shiva sends us, graced with helpful dreams & miracles as we go.
this stone is known as "Shiva's eye," a guardian on my altar.
the river is the buffalo, the first national river park,
protected from development for all its wooded winding length.
Shiva holds us close to Him, me & the buffalo river stone.
we dream together of lessons learned & goodness to be revealed,
& the river flows clear & i rejoice: OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!