the emptiness of inner space enfolds in peaceful calm quiet. it sublimes everything into a warm embrace, a touch that feels as though the sharp edges that had kept the heart enclosed have now been softened into passing scenery--going, gone, no longer there. the past is a blur of green, blue, gold, dissolving into nothing that can be named, including myself. all the names now fall away. yet an urge remains, a calling, a gentle magnetic pulling that has me held fast in its grasp & takes me to the still-point of all that i have ever yearned for in my deepest most hidden heart shrine. it's You, Shiva. i am calling You--or is it You who call me? this emptiness of inner space is really filled by You, Shiva: Your fragrance of jasmine & datura, Your holy siren song that triggers all the best in me & affects me like ambrosia. the body wants the known & familiar in a pleasant pattern formed to cushion & protect the sociocultural program. that is not possible for me since i overflow its edges in the way that irrepressible exuberant life will do. no boundary can contain or limit me, Shiva, for You have fashioned me thus: for the liminal places & the far edges where reality melts into color & tone & songs are born. stories leak out sentence by sentence & numinous myths dwell there. cradle me close, Shiva, for i am soft & new as a baby in the absence of enculturation & social compulsion. only You are vast enough to hold me now that i have cast off the lines that bound me to the body & its documented past. all that remains now is the tender intimate vastness of You. cradle me close, Shiva, for i am soft & new as a baby.
it is the dark of the moon in january. crystalline stars arc radiant overhead. virgin snow at deep midnight folds over the hills & valleys of the mountain countryside. i am wrapped & layered well in a long down coat, my full winter cocoon for stargazing. i carry a folding lawn chair out to the winter-bare field & place it at the center of my known universe, open to the arcane communication of stars, open to the mysteries teasing at the edge of awareness. silence softly & thickly enfolds like an invitation to transcend the human story & its demands & exclusions. i am at the still-point of all that i can know of the embodied world, suspended beneath the witnessing sky in my reclining lawn chair. great shining beings cluster around me. some of them are stars drawn here by my beseeching heart: others but touch the edge of vision. all creation is breathing with me in the cold of the gleaming night as the stars reach down. the sky is alive & dancing. i am part of it, for only the body is of earth. i spread my fingers & stir the still, cold air. the stars stir something deep within, preparing me for You, Shiva, laying me open beyond all concern. an ageless destiny has called me forth into this night of shining snow crystals & stars to commune with these elders. the rolling silent land, the clustered trees & the old bones of the mountain hold me while the great glowing sky of stars enters me & fills me with quiet yearning. Shiva, You call me. i respond to Your call to go beyond the human realm, for this place is not my true home. i find my home in You, Shiva. this world is my domain of service & these words are one form it takes. they are like stars calling to be seen, alluring, shining forth even in the desolation of deep winter snow in the dark of the moon. they are the fixed stars of my inner space, spelling out Your holy name, emblazing "Shiva" to light the sky in blessing.