when i was a small sparrow & i ate seeds where i could find them, i said "thank You" to Shiva for giving them to me. when i was a hawk & i could catch a sparrow on the wing for my supper, i said "thank You" to Shiva for providing my next meal for me. when i was a deer & i munched on tender grass & leaves to feed my hunger, i said "thank You" to Shiva for offering Himself to me in this form. when i was a wolf & i ate deer to stay alive, i said "thank You" to Shiva for this welcome gift You bring: & i laid myself down flat upon the ground, prostrating to Him. now i am human. i ask Shiva what He suggests I should eat. He tells me that i, myself, am both the eater & the eaten. Shiva confides that everything is made from His own body, that all things nurture in their own way: & that once i eat i also am confirmed within the realm of the eatible. all matter is circulated & transformed in the process; as caterpillar becomes chrysalis; as water evaporates from the ocean to become rain. all matter is subject to transformation, & the master-transformer is Shiva, who provides everything that we eat from His own primal substance, His body of expression. all is given by divine provision, for it is one & it is holy. i call this Shiva; others may say God or Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Krishna or the Tao. Although appearing as quite diverse, all is seen essentially as one, when examined with holistic sight & a receptive heart capable of melting. though all is made from the substance of that one vast holy being, what i eat does become part of this body, thus i'm selective. i don't eat anything that has a face, so i eat vegetables, grains & milk products, giving some degree of purity for You Who finally partake of me in the higher realm that i am headed for. i say "thank You," Shiva, as i offer myself like a sweet, juicy purple plum, ripe on the branch in morning sunshine, ready for a transformative journey to Whom all things return.
Shiva's dance is the powerful tandava, laying out lines of commanding energy, vigorous & compelling. our human dance seems to be the fibonacci-mandelbrot polka, three quick steps & a hop. we throw ourselves into the perpetually repeating self-similar patterns, intending to advance our understanding. each dance move leads on to yet another, with but a slight change, replication into evolution, flowing on. new expressions emerge ceaselessly from the old. we step lively to keep pace, all part of the innate cosmic pattern that subtly links all expression as one self-similar repeating wingding of a pattern. three quick steps & a hop & here we go again, dancing out our destiny in the fibonacci-mandelbrot polka!
i am floating in the night sky, a cloud in the moonlight. i have no fingers for grasping & securing, no feet for running & jumping. i have no eyes to see appearances, no mouth to speak of myself. the mind is awed by the cascading torrents of stars & disappears into silence. it's consumed by stars & silence & the rolling flow of currents of electromagnetic energy swirling up from the earth & down from mysteries invisible, unknown & unseen. the moon's gravitational field gently enfolds me as i float high in the nighttime sky, a cloud in the soft moonlight; yet i am neither deaf nor blind, merely immensely detached. perhaps my form may appear as human at times, but i would rather be a cloud soaring above earth, looking into the arcane depths of deep space where dark matter, quasars & galaxies are clumped thickly like glitter on black velvet. it's peaceful to cease being human for a little while & just to be a cloud floating in the night sky in the moonlight. it's hard to hurt a cloud. they do not bleed or complain & they mind their own business. as cloud or human, i'm an innocent expression of Shiva, who lives in every atom & holds all form together & sometimes lets it fall apart. i rest in Shiva & float where He flows, like a leaf carried by the river or a cloud in the depths of the nighttime sky. it's good that being in a human body is not a full time job!
when You were the sky, Shiva, & i was a cloud in Your vastness, You played with me through dancing fingers of wind, shaping me into magnificent forms far beyond my own insubstantial command. when You were the sky & i was Your cloud, i was held close in the purity & power of Your divine reach & thus was in the fated place to rest upon the wild blessing of Your broad blue chest. i was at the center of the target, Shiva. Your aim was true. now the body is human, yet You have come to play anyway: Your love is spacious, embracing all who sincerely long for You. just as You opened Yourself in the sky, so it is that now on earth You appear before me & draw me deep down into Your heart. You have made me Yours, marked me with Your touch & sign, declared Yourself in full to me. I say yes again, world without end, & we dance. what control has a drifting cloud in the windswept heights of the sky? enfold me in the swift current of Your divine intent, Shiva, & dance me across the wide sky into the blaze of a new dawn.
Shiva, i am here to talk to You & to stay focussed on Your wavelength rather than to drift within the drama which i see dancing around me. i see the cracking everywhere, the evidence of a dying age. even beyond the human ferment i register the shifting aeons, the mysterious powers that ebb & flow in the wild daily display. Shiva, i am here to talk to You & to stay focussed on Your wavelength, to look for Your hidden loving touch of presence, expressing tenderly, rather than to fashion socially accepted scripts, repeating daily. i come, appearing as this body-personality, offering it all. i come to You raw, unfinished & coming apart, yet yearning for You. This is the record of my sadhana, which gifts You with my total sum.