the woods at deep twilight smell sweet & moist, immersed in the subtle allure of the night's hidden magic. the roosting crows in repose mutter good night to one another in soft clicks & croaks. shadows settle over the trees, descending from the hands of the sky like a shawl to wrap the woods in featureless & faceless protection. sharp details belong to the day, are necessary to see for the accomplishments & unveilings that take place under the sun. deeds are done & tasks await: gathering & dispersing happens. order is valued & scripts are offered for all the roles & their requirements. survival is the bottom line. i hold myself in to fit within the narrow slot allotted for those such as me. but at night, in the mysterious woods, none of that bright world rules. here in the darkness, the unknown & irrational prevail, & the shadows may be doorways opening into other realms. You come to me through those shadows, Shiva, & tell me of wonders beyond. You touch my heart & unlock it, & i will forever thank You for this, for coming to me. i will forever thank You, Shiva. the woods in full nightfall smell sweet & moist, an invitation to deeper magic. Shiva, soon the moon will rise high & the darkling playmates emerge from hiding. there's a song in my heart that escapes through my lips & it stands as a motto for this entire life. "i mean no harm; i am passing through. i celebrate all existence." thank You, Shiva, for urging me out to befriend the darkness & the unfamiliar. You hold me in Your hands & in Your heart & i hold on to You forever. You take away my concern & You leave me with Your grace, here in the woods in the deep of the night.
beyond all form & function, beyond the need for a name: within the innermost vastness, deep, unknown & dark, You are here now in bold vivid presence. i don't know just how i discern it, yet i feel You as if You're my own breath, soft & full way down inside me, warm & welcome within, moving gently although unseen, known in silence alone. breath rises & falls & even speech is quiet at last, yet still You remain lingering in Your home in the heart. beyond all form & function, beyond the need for a name: even so, i call You Shiva, the name that is inscribed somewhere inside so deeply down it can't ever be lost, even within the vastness unknown, where it shines as a spark of Your light. it can't be hidden; it can't be quenched.
sometimes i am a garden lying fallow after harvest, stripped of my nourishing abundance. my leaves are brown & crisp, stalks & stems are brittle & broken, scattered on the resting earth as a testament to blessings given generously. i can breathe into the earth even when i cannot reach for the shining sky, so i go deep, deep down past the spent dry roots. i sleep, forgetful of bright springtime & sun, returning the physical substance to its origin. i dream. i dream of You, Shiva, Who planted me here & cultivated my pure essence & reaped my natural bounty. it has emerged from tiny hard seeds hidden in the darkness of the ground, & grown to lift many arms & hands up to praise the sun & honor the moon. it has been glorious, & i thank You, Shiva, as i release the firm form into the cool darkness & soft dust of the waiting earth. lying fallow is also part of the process that yields the next abundant harvest in its own time. hold me, Shiva. hold me as i rest quietly without care, dreaming of formlessness & freedom from this human dharma.
we are at work in the mines of maya, clearing & refining, opening space for light to shine. we need that light in this mine. that which is dark & jagged, we polish, smooth & purify. we ourselves are being refined in this manner by the gods who, in their turn, are also being refined & clarified for the refulgence of light, the renewal we want to feel. oh how we fly when we can & how we crawl when we must! the dense events of life can weigh us down with added gravity & subsequent immobility. we are at work in the mines of maya, cleaning, digging out the darkness to find the subtle veins of light concealed in all things, yet accessible. light is hidden everywhere, Shiva, for You gave us this gift: the light that calls us home, the yearning in our hearts for Your grace.
Your code is prime in my DNA, Shiva. All else is inscribed upon Your fundamental code within the very genes of this holy organism, from bones to brain. thus nothing can penetrate beyond the superficial surface because in the final reckoning, You stand guard. i am Yours alone, regardless of who claims me, Shiva. only Your code can open the hidden door of my heart.
following Your guidance, Shiva, i continue to review my life story & the blinders placed there by memory & society, finally revealed & stripped of their power. You have ripped the bandage from the wound & healed it with Your touch. You healed it with Your touch, strongly resembling a surgical procedure, as the whole is freed from the iron grip of the presumptuous part. i need a new perspective now. it's time. the upheaval of the quaking earth i long considered firm beneath my feet has flung me out of my resting place & tossed me in the air. & that is how i learned to fly & look from there on high to see the patterns playing out in a vast expanse. i see the story scrolling by, the hidden now revealed--& this life makes sense, i can see it now. this life makes sense at last! this life makes sense at last as the hidden stands revealed, shaped by Your holy hands to prepare me for the part i play. all i've learned in the past must now be dropped, must be left behind, just like the empty chrysalis when the butterfly takes flight & forgets all that had come before as if it were a dream.
the curve of the bird's wings as it circles high overhead is spelling out Your name, the one i enfold in my heart. i circle with the bird around You, Shiva, around You. You abide in me, deep inside in my secret heart-cave at the center of the circle, the hidden cave within. the circling embraces this central space, the holy place wherein we meet & join & then begin again anew. this disclosure spills out from the spiraling bird's wingtips to fall into my heart & to grow into this sharing: You abide in me, deep inside in my secret heart-cave. we are not two for we are but one, with circling echoes.