no matter what the outcome

You cannot enter me in Your full potency
for blood & bone are too dense to hold the fullness
& intensity of Your vast power & light.
yet i do sincerely invite You nonetheless.
whether i live or am altogether destroyed
is an empty thought from an old collective dream.
i awaken now. i hear Your resounding call
& seek with all my heart to follow it to You.
no matter what the outcome may be, i am Yours.

a rough piece of rock

You blast through my protective wall of words & strip me clean
of concepts, removing me from my comfort zone, Shiva!
You are revealed to me now, human attachments laid bare,
withering in the pure fire of Your seal upon my heart.

every happening in this life is a teaching from You.
this jiva, a rough piece of rock, is polished to become
a shining jewel in the fullness of time & process.
love without attachment or expectation is Your gift
& i learn, i learn from pain & from delight, i do learn.

You blast through my protective wall of words & strip me clean
of concepts & guide me toward my holy home, Shiva,
where no "i" or "You" remain, only the dancing wholeness.

the heart will hold fast

today is a time of courage when i resolutely determine
to remain alert, not to get lost in memory & mind chatter.
over & over i return to my mantra, the lifeline which You
have given me, to which i cling in the intense storms of circumstance.

i dwell in a nursing home, an imperiled place in a pandemic,
yet nonetheless You remain close when i can see beyond the surface
to the divine timing that cares less for the unit than for the whole.
remaining in an old worn body is not important. You alone
are truly essential & i shall not lose my way back home to You!

birth, death, body, spirit: the dance patterns of cosmic complexity,
& i can no longer freestyle full out but seek now to rest in You.
You are the center of the turning wheel & i will not lose focus
upon You. although passing events may obscure, the heart will hold fast.

the heart will hold fast when hands no longer find a solid place to grip.
thus today is a time of courage when i devote myself to You.
i am here for You. i do not fear the homeward journey of return
for this script has long been written as the time to merge myself in You.
the sun only sets for the earthbound & i am a child of the stars.

today

some days i am like a cloud floating in the wide blue sky,
sun streaming into me like fingers of divine blessing,
wind carrying me effortlessly in a smooth swift flow.

other days i slog my way through the thick mud of the day,
struggling to take just one more step forward yet again
in the endless trudging of step after step after step.

some days i lay flat on my back in mud, surrendering
to inertia like an old balloon slowly deflating.

other days i say Your name before i fully awake,
feeling You deep within the hidden chamber of my heart
&, finding You there, lift my hands in glad salutation.

today i see all these changing shapes of the shifting days,
witness the flickering parade of possibilities.
they are so real to the human self pushing through maya!
my heart opens in compassionate wonder & soft love.

i seek refuge in You, Shiva. i am Yours forever.

talk to me

"talk to me," Shiva says, "nothing is too trifling,
for I am the essence of everything here.
you can talk to me." i hear Him in my heart &
i wonder how He can care about such trivia.

"try Me," He says, "the open heart knows no trivia."
feeling shy, i tell Him what i am doing now,
how words reveal themselves for poems, like flowers
unfurling petals to the nurture of sunlight,
singing in the language of fragrant bright color,
a hymn of gratitude, chorus after chorus.

"see what I mean?" Shiva says. "nothing is too small
to hold the whole of creation at its center.
talk to me," He says, "for this too is sadhana."

this is why my lips move silently within crowds
& why my voice is heard in soft conversation
when people are gone, for Shiva is here with me,
teaching the art of divine inebriation
without concern for the opinions of others.

He is right, for all my talking to Him keeps the
door of my heart open wide & He enters &
we talk together about pebbles & planets.
when i can talk no more, He holds me in His heart.

i bow to You

i have been running after knowledge
all of my long inquisitive life.
how like You, Shiva, to come to me
through my heart in the unknowingness
& chaos of shattered strategies!
well played, Beloved, i bow to You!

now that You have plowed my ready field,
plant Your seeds of mantric blessing deep,
to grow in darkness & reach for light
with Your tender care along the way.

all my actions now refer to You.
You demonstrate that heart does rule head
& i bow to You in gratitude.
Well played, Beloved, i bow to You!

Shiva

i was wearing my long flannel nightgown,
almost awake in the early morning.
it was the winter of my fourteenth year
in the cold desolation of my wild soul.

You came to me. You came to be the hinge
on the opening door of my young heart.
You folded Yourself around me gently
& drew me close to You, until my breath
was Your breath & the emptiness was gone.
it was filled with Your fragrance & Your taste.
You wrapped Yourself around me, You cherished
me & Your heat melted me, melted me.

Your heat melted me, purified my heart.
You filled me up & burned the past away.
You marked me with Your transcendental love.

hidden in the heart

an ethereal thread holds all things together.
i see it with my twilight eye, the moon-born sight
of poets observing the lacy connections
that can't be seen in the dominion of bright light.
here in the misty dimness, neither light nor dark,
colors fade to grey, stitched together with silver.
nothing is clearly defined, shifting shapes again
repeating primal patterns traced in solar dust.

we are on the threshold where light & dark can dance.
come to me now, Lord Shiva, & dance me within
this density of substance & form in motion.
take my hand, take my heart, dance me in words & art,
tell me who You really are, tell me who i am,
as we touch the subtle thread joining all the parts,
tracing out blessings that are hidden in the heart.