You are raining down on me today, Shiva, the cool raindrops of You blessing the heat of the skin. the body is sending You a love letter of pure light inscribed by the flames dwelling in this heart. it's a subjective light show, the inner fire & water meeting to celebrate a magnificent love: it's You, of course, Shiva: You are the transcendent over-lighting energy that inspires from morning to morning. so rain on me, please, Shiva! Your holy healing rain only adds to the celebration of the heart & deepens the internal communion that so cleanses & renews.
Shiva, You splashed the sky all over me & now birds flock to me & rainbows romp around the corner, hoping for rain to come soon. all is included. i lost my edges in the sky's dome. there's no "i" in the sky, only infinite inclusiveness & the high advent of miracles & wonders. they float in me like clouds, sharing their gifts when enticed by human invocations & wants. i am spread so wide & so thin, Shiva, that the fingers of the sun slide smooth & warm through me, sounding dulcet musical tones from my mountain peaks & prayers from my worn plateaux. Shiva, You splashed the sky all over me & now even the stars take notice, for i am open to everything made of this heavenly light. You have made me a portal for the stars to come & go, & now i am free space, allowing each to shine the radiance of their gifts. i hold it all lightly, for the sky has no pockets for saving things & no urge for acquisition. my arms reach around the world & my hands nudge as the gentle breeze that murmurs "wake up". now that i am sky-splashed i have no need to hang on to anything because i stretch from horizon to horizon due to Your playful grace, Shiva, due to Your grace. You are the sun in the sky of my heart.
there is a sunrise in my heart. with each breath the sunglow increases; with every thought of You, Shiva, the passing moment warms & brightens. this sunrise of You fills me completely & i become a fountain. there is a sunrise in my heart & love wells forth, showering gently down, falling like a nourishing rain into all the thirsty places. the cracked soil softens & brings forth tender shoots of green that flow like grace through hidden lowlands & the wild places of nature, my own as well. a chorus of birds is singing in the light that leaks from the sunrise in my eager open heart. they fly to me now, bringing gifts of ferns, flowers & leaves. they recognize Your energy signature, Shiva. there is a sunrise in my heart, a faithful guiding light that persists & ever returns to its sentinel post, comfortingly present. in this light the sacred subtle dimensions soar luminous, revealed, & You beckon to me compellingly to stand with You in the light. like a falcon returning to the falconer's arm, i come to You.
Your code is prime in my DNA, Shiva. All else is inscribed upon Your fundamental code within the very genes of this holy organism, from bones to brain. thus nothing can penetrate beyond the superficial surface because in the final reckoning, You stand guard. i am Yours alone, regardless of who claims me, Shiva. only Your code can open the hidden door of my heart.
soft upon the senses darkness descends, gently pressing, inviting acceptance, surrender. this is the fruitful darkness of gestation where borders blur & numinous exchange can happen spontaneously. words are too slow for this subtle realm, too angular, sharp & hard. like knives carving water, they give motion mimicking meaning, yet little is clear & nothing enduring remains for long. the gentle fruitful darkness is like a womb, allowing growth of life without disturbance, nurturing & holding it in the divinely provided secure protection. i come from that darkness to You, Shiva, called forth by the sacred mystery of Your summons, alluring as the glow of a night-blooming blossom in the pale new moonlight. soft upon the senses, darkness deepens, gently pressing, hinting of surrender to the fullness of gestation. this is where we touch, far beyond borders or worlds. this is where words are put aside & communion of pure essence reaches forth, heart to heart. this is all i know, Shiva: the slow unveiling of the wordless, the advent of light born of the fruitful darkness, the abundant mother of form.
when You were the sky, Shiva, & i was a cloud in Your vastness, You played with me through dancing fingers of wind, shaping me into magnificent forms far beyond my own insubstantial command. when You were the sky & i was Your cloud, i was held close in the purity & power of Your divine reach & thus was in the fated place to rest upon the wild blessing of Your broad blue chest. i was at the center of the target, Shiva. Your aim was true. now the body is human, yet You have come to play anyway: Your love is spacious, embracing all who sincerely long for You. just as You opened Yourself in the sky, so it is that now on earth You appear before me & draw me deep down into Your heart. You have made me Yours, marked me with Your touch & sign, declared Yourself in full to me. I say yes again, world without end, & we dance. what control has a drifting cloud in the windswept heights of the sky? enfold me in the swift current of Your divine intent, Shiva, & dance me across the wide sky into the blaze of a new dawn.
Shiva, i am learning to know all substance as Your body & all beings with varying forms & functions as Your expressions. the density of matter cloaks complete knowledge of You, although You truly are the all-pervading essence of that which remains to awareness after the transitory departs yet again. this grand drama of life gives birth to the earthly realm, with humans & many other beings populating it in a dance of flowing creativity in a subtle evolving pattern. Shiva, i know that this body, the source of personality, is shaped by genes, conditioning & impacting outer events. therefore it is not who i really am, as You often point out. i learn slowly, glad that You patiently persist in Your teaching that who i really am is the one constant steady awareness that remains vivid when all else is gone: this knowing that "i am", the same indwelling wisdom common to all created beings. Shiva, You are above, below, surrounding & within: source, quest & destination. You are the universal medicine. like a great tide You are upon me, sweeping me up in the flood of Your expression, calling me to the heart, core & center of all the various comings & goings of daily human life. wherever i focus i see You at the living heart of it. i know how it finally ends. i know that the light of kindness will once more prevail & that darkness will again lessen & that this dance will continue as it always does. this endless cosmic glory is like a flower opening from bud, blooming, wilting, fading, falling, releasing the seeds of new flowers to repeat another sacramental cycle of Your rhythmic dance, Shiva. i am looking within to the heart's chamber where You dwell & i simply want to be with You in the refuge of Your calm presence. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
i was in death's hands, Shiva. body parts were sacrificed to survive & cords of dark energy bound the soft flesh tightly in helplessness. in the midst of this turmoil, You came by way of hallucinations of warmhearted free-spirited visitors who blessed with their kindness. You gave rollicking tuba solos & a zany doctor teaching care of the newborn infant to new fathers through slapstick comedy. You brought me the fellowship & laughter that strengthen, heal & comfort. this body is an infant. i am caregiver, bringing mothering to a damaged being, surviving the surreal medical onslaught that swiftly changes the form & the life totally & finally. i stumble through the nether-realms, the murky land of loss & payment & emerge into an alien world where i have no place. i pay the price of loss by deep soul-searching & reflection, Shiva, drawing closer to You, yet still unseeing until i have amply ripened, or deliquesced as butterflies do in their spun chrysalis. You accompany & shepherd with guidance & care, leading me through healing in many realms. when i lose my way & falter, You guide me, urge me through the darkness to the renewal of my dedication to the divine & sacred within the ambrosia of Your presence. this woman's heart is given over to You, Shiva, & You shape it into an ageless holy pattern, newly disclosed in this lifetime, offering refuge in Your all-pervading, enfolding pure essence. here i rest in the embrace of Your goodness, truth & beauty.
there are no words to describe You adequately & hence many words appear, like birds singing in the rising dawn. they can't help themselves. it's their dharma to sing at first light. i can't stop myself from discerning You in varied ways. i sense You like water gently raining down upon me, drenching me with Your ten thousand glorious names & forms. everything points to You, turns to You, just as sunflowers yearn earnestly for the sun & track its course in the sky. i seek You in events & persist until i find You. with equal determination I turn my gaze inward & seek You within the hidden "i" of this persona. ah Shiva! i play hide & seek with You as though i were a mischievous deva lost in an earthly frolic. i stand behind these many words i write for You, meaning well, just like the dawn bird who sings so joyously, or the tall sunflower lifting its face up to worship the sun. it is the dharma of my sunflower heart to love You.
lifetimes ago in a much younger version of this body, feeling abandoned & alone, i trudge in despair to work, crushed by circumstances. bound to a daily routine of duties working in a natural foods store, i am sweeping the floor. dull & stiff as a wooden doll, i pushed the broom slowly through the wholesome organic rubble of the spilled grain, flour & beans. suddenly a twinkling glimmer of gold pierces through my mood & i see a perfect gleaming gold star in the dusty dregs. time pauses as i stand thoughtfully, aware of Your presence, knowing that You offer me this radiant encouragement, knowing that You remain with me even when i turn away to stumble stubbornly on my solitary lonely own. You give me a gold star, Shiva, even in the density of personal teeth-clenched hopeless human abandonment. it is but a small gold star, yet magnified by the power of Your divine presence touching me & entering my heart. i yet carry that bright gold star in the deepest pocket of memory & my heart is blessed by the sweet fragrance of You. when i have nothing at all to cling to, Shiva, that is when You catch me in Your arms as i fall & hold me to Your heart. "cling to me," You whisper in my ear, "cling to Me alone now & i will carry you safely through to the end of all time."
i see them draw together, i observe them pull apart: the sun & moon in a space embrace, joining holy hearts. flaming embers fall to earth, descend from the cloudless sky, hinting at the mystery that the soul will not deny. Shiva's dance goes on & on as galactic seasons change. His music calls. i respond as i always do, again. i see us draw together, i observe us pull apart in this sacred dance of life wherein i give You my heart.
the curve of the bird's wings as it circles high overhead is spelling out Your name, the one i enfold in my heart. i circle with the bird around You, Shiva, around You. You abide in me, deep inside in my secret heart-cave at the center of the circle, the hidden cave within. the circling embraces this central space, the holy place wherein we meet & join & then begin again anew. this disclosure spills out from the spiraling bird's wingtips to fall into my heart & to grow into this sharing: You abide in me, deep inside in my secret heart-cave. we are not two for we are but one, with circling echoes.
the field is open & bare, harvested to stubble, soaking up the streaming light of the sun, rejoicing. the sun, in sacred union with the whole rolling earth, blazes love & joy into the entire galaxy. the galaxy, in vast dance with other galaxies, spins in etheric quantum entanglement & love. love like dark matter. love like nebulae, like quasars. love like gravity, like magnetism, like lightning. love moving like the tides or like blood & lymph flowing. love like egg & sperm uniting. love like human birth. it's the same everywhere: this dance of energy, the holy harmonium sounding a sacred chord that echoes through the heart & bloodstream like music, pure! Shiva, the stars are shining in the sky of my eyes in the heavenly quantum entanglement called love where i am filled with the sound of Your sweet primal OM.