i know now that You never did turn away from me but gave the opportunity to heal deep-seated karmic tendencies that needed focus over time. for that i wandered through the lonely hinterland of suffering & refinement of receptivity. though always the memory of Your presence & grace would warm me like the sweet gentle sunshine of springtime, like a soft generous rain soaking into the earth, like the sun patiently pulling the life from the seed into the down-pouring soft radiant grace of You. Shiva, we are fused in purpose & intent to bless. gone are the days of raw youthful naive ignorance. now i see compassionately through mature vision how You persistently, continually touched me, shaped me, held me, healed me & how, in the final view, You auspiciously emerged from Your hidden home deep within my heart's most intimate & sacred chamber. You wear me today like a consecrated garment as i am borne by You through this long incarnation which i celebrate like a glad global holiday. i am soaked through & through with Your divine love & grace & i cannot stop these words that pour forth rejoicing, rejoicing like a tree in the warm springtime sunshine!
as i write these words to You on paper, Shiva, i am inviting You to be near me, to touch me with Your grace, with Your compassionate way of revealing ageless truths as if they had grown & blossomed deep within heart & mind & only now could reveal their shining fragrant presence. as i write these words to You on paper, Shiva, i find myself feeling as if i sit by a wood-burning stove enjoying the heat as wood is sacrificed to the fire. we all burn with this indescribable divine flame. it consumes our errors, making ashes of our mistakes. as i write these words to You on paper, Shiva, i am asking You to come so close that i lose myself in You, so close that the meaning of the words "You" & "i" dissolves. there is no more writing, no more words, no "i" & no "You"-- only now exists, only life, just this burning moment.
You took me at the peak of my glad celebration, negating laws of physics, erasing everything. You removed the concept "impossible" from my mind, threw me in a multidimensional miracle & shocked my mind silent, leaving me in stunned wonder. that wonder still clothes me like an invisible cloak, something too amazing to share, yet it changed my life. speaking of it is like catching fish with hands only, or caging wind in the hands to bring home for others. You shine light on my daily rebuilding of structure through my careful words like bricks in a tall wall, Shiva! yet i still want to say "look! see! there is such wonder!" so i string garlands of words that i offer to You because i overflow with rejoicing that you're here. i am blazing with Your presence & the light leaks out, cascading in these limited words i can't curtail.