all at the same time

Shiva, You have given me instructions all these many years, which i
have been slowly guided to piece together meaningfully. i was
so young & ignorant at the beginning, with much to learn & to
integrate. of course, there was & is the continuing pressing need
to mature into my highest potential. it continues to this
day & is still incomplete, yet nonetheless it does provide a sound
foundation. it's more than i had ever hoped for, or dreamed of before.

Shiva, i understand that You are many beings & things, all at
the same time. it is that way in the higher refined dimensions of
existence. You can be God, You can be my cherished inspiration,
companion, teacher, comedian & also my own true divine
identity, all at the same time. the human brain rather struggles
to reconcile that immensity with what we can see around us.

i do struggle to accept that God would come to me. How could i be
so worthy? yet, why not me? why should i condemn myself so quickly?
Shiva keeps on bringing these issues to my attention, showing me
how i limit myself by my own attitudes, encouraging me.

Shiva teaches me that i am none of the things that arise from or
affect the body; that belongs to the personality. i'm not
the body nor the personality. Shiva assures me that i'm
the Life that animates the body, & He has taken me out of
the body to reveal other dimensions of being, all so pure
& beautiful. it changes my life to know of this immensity,
opens me up as if i'm a fresh young flower in morning sunshine.

i can't go back to that outworn way of life that was so defined by
denial. i no longer can stifle the urge to go beyond the
obvious, to climb the mountain, explore the cave, commune with the stars,
seek the ineffable & yearn after the real originating
source of this living, longing totality which reaches out to me.

hence, Shiva, i am Your willing student. i guess that is a bit like
the body's left hand telling the right hand that it is willing to work
with it. the mind is challenged to understand & accept such blended
interconnection. it's best just to allow the mind to rest. Shiva,
You are the One Who is really in charge with Your long game of rising
& falling civilizations. i am but a small part of You, who
has been brought along for the ride & to help. i am teachable &
i am willing. please do continue Your instructions so that i may
be even more effective for You in Your long game, as well as from
day to day. the kali yuga is not going to last forever!