things that float & fly trigger primal joy & amazement in us: birds, butterflies, bubbles & balloons; airplanes, spaceships, ufos. they draw our attention up to the sky, to the sun, moon & stars & other wonders too precious & arcane to divide into diagrams of nouns, verbs & their modifiers, arranged much like bricks in a wall to assure properly predictable results. things that float & fly need abundant space, emptiness, freedom, an openness so vast that the human mind pours itself into a quietude that watches & wonders without structured boundaries. You came to me in that way, Shiva, through the open doorway of the sky, & You established Your home in my heart. You made of me a temple, a place of worship & rejoicing over all these long years since my youth. You were my nameless, invisible companion & confidant & i was the one who held You close. now, at the endgame of this life, You have given me Your name to strengthen my sadhana & to encourage me to continue on here. i'm as though among the singers in a chorus, holding the notes steady & pouring my heart into the great thundering sonic concluding celebration of soaring sound. You lift me skyward, Shiva; You take me to that high place inside that feels like being on a mountain top with all the shining mystery spread before me. i fall into You, into that mystery, & it is none other than the vast undivided Self that exists free of definition & delusion. here, at the outer edge of words, things that float, fly & fall need boundless space, emptiness & freedom.
ah Shiva! You often urge me to greater skill & patience, to develop abilities & to ask more of myself. You push me from my resting place like a fledgling from the nest & i feel like i am falling, yet i find that i can fly. Shiva! You will not take no for an answer though i try. You will not let me quit nor run away. there is no retreat. i cry, i sigh, i hide my face, i crawl beneath my blanket, yet nonetheless i must emerge when the new day calls me forth & i must push consciously against the current obstacle. You give me this task to do & though i sag beneath the weight, i will continue on for You have chosen me to do this & thus i will though it is hard, for i know i grow from it. ah Shiva! You often urge me to greater skill & patience. i know that blessing emerges from this because it comes from You, who help me spread wide my ragged wings to lift into the sky.