the daily critique of people & events runs on one channel. the witness of this drama watches it from another channel. where do i place my voluntary attention & heartfelt choice? at each moment there is a purposeful return to the witness. over & over the urge manifests to see truly, clearly, not to indulge in the ego drama of fierce feelings, needs & iron preferences enclosing like binding chains & blinders. if nothing more is done for sadhana than this alone, at least this much is completed to coax & invite deeper awareness. hence the mind's tv is tirelessly tuned to the witness channel, forming the habit of divine detachment as a point of view. it will eventually happen that the tv is turned off & that there are no channels at all available any more. now comes the singularity, the formless blending foretold by quantum physics & the upanishads & psychedelics. as the event horizon nears, i surrender the mind to You. ah, it's better that my heart should thirst & pine after You, Shiva, than to encounter the hungry ghosts of the active agile mind!
i am here in a human body, vowing this human heart to You, who have given me a task for these last years in this human body. i am to look back with discernment over the years of this life & to notice the times in the past when You have touched me & guided me, shaped & refined me. these are the crucial turning points & stepping stones. they are pivotal to a constructive, creative life-direction, spun out of me naturally, like the filmy-fine strands of the web from a spider in a symmetry of pattern & delicate beauty which signifies You, my beloved companion on this strange journey. You are the one specific strand that links & ties the parts together for usefulness & positive value to manifest in the world. here is the holistic view of this human life & time in jagat. here is where i gratefully bow to the body-personality. here is how ego becomes just another face in the chorus line. here is where we blend at the heart into a spark of eternal flame. here i am in a human body, vowing this human heart to You.
now i know which things keep me from You: warmth of hot showers, food i prefer, wanting other people to like me. i am very happy to get them & quite unhappy in their absence. by wanting some things & not others i chop my life into bits & pieces & i lose You in the confusion. i will make You the strong thread that all the bits & pieces are strung upon. I will give You the complete garland because i want You the most, Shiva! without You my whole life is empty.
body, personality, ego: biggest problem! everything that upsets me points to all of this: irritable impatience, self-referencing, strong preferences, lack of mental discipline. You have laid it out for me clearly, Lord Shiva! i'm easily distracted by daily events. i must repeatedly train the mind to silence, to focus in the heart & third eye; above all, to hold fast to Your divine presence, Lord Shiva.