i am a modular being, layered like a cake. the body, mind & feelings compose the ego-personality layers, & the witness stands central as portal to You, Shiva, making the cake of me multidimensional, bridging & blending realms, giving You access through me to pour bright energy to the world. as witness i'm like a comicstrip superhero, peeling off the outer layers of my disguise. i step forth when the need calls to be the willing witness who can see the gift of the patterns organizing the richly varied drama of daily life. i aim to be detached so that no harm can ever befall me. yet maya still seduces by lavishing me with my fondest wishes, now fulfilled, luring me back to her sticky web. desires i never knew were there have merely lurked just beneath the surface, awaiting their cue to surge forward, & i am stuck yet again. i'm caught once more in a situation i never saw coming & don't want to let go, all layered enticingly & well. where is my one-pointed awareness? where is my heart flying free? where is that cool-headed detachment when i'm stuck here in maya's web? You've brought out my hidden attachments, Shiva, the acceptance i had never dared hope for before, & i get to unravel the ties & the knots that i wasn't aware were there. it feels like do-it-yourself open-heart surgery, & i'm clumsy at best. maya entices me to plunge into the world where i'm whirled through the cycles, the ups & the downs, with many a story to tell. Shiva, You use all of maya's ruses to hone my edges as sharp as keen knives that i freely may cut through the many ties that weigh me down, bind tight & hold me back. i need to see it all through to the final credits at the end & then the lights will come on again. You will be revealed by my side to the inner vision as maya shifts the scene & the music rises to bridge to the next episode. the detached witness rises once more within to do it all again, yet on a higher turn of maya's spiral. this is our dance, Shiva, round after round, recognizing & then refining the moves of the drama, turning the darkness to light.
i see that maya's way is to draw us into situations whereby strands of our connective energy are hooked & woven into it. many dramas will seek to involve us: family, national, global, plus hidden inner conflicts & struggles when all else is calm. it is unavoidable in the world of form. i notice this strongly now, being elderly & disabled & thus having less abundant energy. each cause that i feel called to champion, every imbalance or injustice i seek to ameliorate draws an energy thread to connect to it. thus i'm woven into the sociocultural web & am supporting its constructs with my prana & focussed intentions. hence i become mindful indeed of where i want my energy to flow. having less available energy, i must put it into what i most prioritize. Shiva, what efficiency You show to demonstrate maya & to teach me to cut the ties to that which serves me not! all that has been generationally established calls urgently for participation. family values, national priorities, social-enculturation: they all sing their majority-approved alluring siren songs. refusal is frowned upon: there is always a price to pay for freedom & mindfulness, yet it becomes necessary in time. You encourage & support awareness, dispassion & kindness, Shiva. Your voice eventually becomes more magnetic & powerful than maya as i travel on this journey with You. even negative events can serve a positive purpose by training the mind to be a detached observer. such clear vision can expand to reveal the pattern that eventually shows itself to be serving growth. understanding this, i no longer turn my back on Your guidance, Shiva. my heart goes out to You, blends with You in fact. all this reduces the attraction of maya. may we choose with care & may we be willing to pay the price of our choice. remaining in thoughtless thrall to maya will exact its own price, even as Shiva extracts His. i choose You, Shiva, & i willingly pay Your price, for maya is but a dream, empty & temporary. You, Shiva, are constant & You touch my heart with Your pure, holy love. i turn my back on the shadow-show of maya to embrace You, Shiva. i rest in You & take refuge.
the daily critique of people & events runs on one channel. the witness of this drama watches it from another channel. where do i place my voluntary attention & heartfelt choice? at each moment there is a purposeful return to the witness. over & over the urge manifests to see truly, clearly, not to indulge in the ego drama of fierce feelings, needs & iron preferences enclosing like binding chains & blinders. if nothing more is done for sadhana than this alone, at least this much is completed to coax & invite deeper awareness. hence the mind's tv is tirelessly tuned to the witness channel, forming the habit of divine detachment as a point of view. it will eventually happen that the tv is turned off & that there are no channels at all available any more. now comes the singularity, the formless blending foretold by quantum physics & the upanishads & psychedelics. as the event horizon nears, i surrender the mind to You. ah, it's better that my heart should thirst & pine after You, Shiva, than to encounter the hungry ghosts of the active agile mind!
the pandemic is shaking out the hidden scorpions in the global drama of this divine culling event. it brings to view the cloaked & veiled shadow influences that disrupt cooperation & sincere tolerance, that negate inspiration, inclusiveness & kindness. they drain the joyousness from the rising innocent day. Shiva, You reveal to me how this great cosmic drama of maya creates a stage & a playbill, a menu, a compelling urge to act in the world as we are called. our cosmic dharma as jiva is to cling to the light. we have seen the dark. the cycles are turning, shifting now by cosmic rhythmic decree & we are the advancing edge. nature's cadences prevail throughout the galaxies. dear Shiva, carry us forward in this dharma of change. the darkness has exhausted the days of its dominance. the wheel of evolution turns & the dawning of light is now globally drawing near. the kali yuga wanes. dear Shiva, carry us forward in this dharma of change. hold us in Your heart & show us what is real, true & good.
Shiva, i am here to talk to You & to stay focussed on Your wavelength rather than to drift within the drama which i see dancing around me. i see the cracking everywhere, the evidence of a dying age. even beyond the human ferment i register the shifting aeons, the mysterious powers that ebb & flow in the wild daily display. Shiva, i am here to talk to You & to stay focussed on Your wavelength, to look for Your hidden loving touch of presence, expressing tenderly, rather than to fashion socially accepted scripts, repeating daily. i come, appearing as this body-personality, offering it all. i come to You raw, unfinished & coming apart, yet yearning for You. This is the record of my sadhana, which gifts You with my total sum.
what could i possibly write about, think about or do that is not in reality done by You, Lord Shiva? there is nothing else but You, my Lord. all my words are but clouds in the vast sky of You, drifting in the wind of You. out of the light in the eyes of strangers, You can emerge like swift invisible fireworks that light up my shy heart, linking me with You in powerful silent explosion. how can i forget You who dazzle with Your effulgence? the plot of this human story, like walls, encloses me. enforcers on the rooftops of my mind shoot down upon freedom fighters determinedly smuggling contraband thoughts, yet i press forward with them anyway, dodging sniper fire. a fierce joke is this maya, long skirts hiding combat boots! i am laughing & crying, as i also stand apart, while gazing upon this lovely mesmerizing drama, wild compassion overflowing the floodgates of my heart. there is nothing else but You, Shiva. all my words are but clouds in the vast sky of You, drifting in the wind of You.