finally i find myself here at this wall with no door, looming before me so high that i cannot see the top. i have explored in all directions, roaming relentlessly, & each time i have come to that wall that has no door. no matter where i journey, the wall stands tall. i think that i take it with me, this towering wall that is built from a lifetime's conditioning & propaganda. i am like a turtle, carrying my protection. i can hide within it & never be caught in the open where danger can descend swiftly, like a fierce raptor from the clear blue cloudless sky. cracks now breach the wall & they are spreading, deepening every day. i can see light shining through the larger cracks & it flickers most temptingly in a code i'm called to decipher. in this way, the wall becomes my teacher, inviting me to heightened awareness. hence, a wall can make a prison or a fortress, depending on the point of view. for now, i am simply relieved to discern this wall & to know that it will crumble & fall when Shiva sees that the time is ripe for it. until then, please forgive me for all that i have left unsaid & for all that i cannot unsay today.
having no power of my own, i am couched in limitless power. knowing the eternal truth, external judgements find no home in me. i have no home. i have no family, no worldly aspirations. having no home, i am at peace right where i am. having no desire to accumulate, i am as weightless as a bubble in the breeze & i discover myself at last at rest just where i need to be. every day i find myself anew. every night i release myself from focussed form & resolute need. soon i will not exist distinct in my originality, yet existence will go rolling on. all is nested & folded into patterns beyond casual thought, sliding through dimensions beyond & enfolding the usual three. You are with me step by step, Shiva who lives in the cave of my heart. You ignite the light that dims the dark, returning full color to sight. i feel the sunrise in my heart in the long cold dark of winter & now my sleep is over & ended, for my door is standing open. my door is standing open & fingers of the sun are beckoning. i have no body; i am formless & free, weightless as a bubble in the breeze coming to rest, shining alight just where i need to be.
i welcome You, Beloved, to the open door of my waiting heart. all has been cleaned & blessed, Shiva. the air is scented with sandalwood & flowers are heaped in woven baskets: gardenias & hyacinths, roses & violets, honeysuckle & wisteria. i am drunk with the celebration of flowers, their laughter like tiny bells, their presence honoring You, Beloved who lives deep within. You are the raw living fire of consciousness, burning me sweetly, lifting me gently. i am Yours to consume utterly, to imbibe & savor. in this way i return to You, origin & source, who give me life even before time begins, bringing gifts of flowers & love that has no beginning or end but swallows us all fully into itself. here i am again, Beloved! let's dance this dance where two become one without a second & all melts into love scented with sandalwood. i welcome You, Beloved, to the open door of my waiting heart.
Your code is prime in my DNA, Shiva. All else is inscribed upon Your fundamental code within the very genes of this holy organism, from bones to brain. thus nothing can penetrate beyond the superficial surface because in the final reckoning, You stand guard. i am Yours alone, regardless of who claims me, Shiva. only Your code can open the hidden door of my heart.