as i age i become more fully aware of the softly binding skein
of attachments that surrounds the body-personality & weaves it
into the world of having & doing. the requirements, activities,
appointments! the expectations, desires, hopes, education & training!
lifelong this weaving persists, layer upon layer of entanglements,
of outer achievements & awards. i am held & cocooned within the
complex itineraries of others, drawing me further & deeper
into the world, securing me into the expanding global order.
thread by thread & stitch by stitch, i am now cutting through & pulling apart
the widespread web of hypnotic ties that urgently seeks to reattach.
the sociocultural necessities snort & snuffle restlessly,
while i steadfastly turn my back & struggle free; turn my back on them all.
ah, but love has caught me up, has charmed & secured me with a holy hand
that i cannot deny or flee! love has fixed me in place here & will not
let me go. it is more than i am: it is vast, & it is replacing
all other attachments with itself. Your universal medicine has
found me, Shiva, as i now merge with the many into the sacred One.
Your divine love dissolves the ties of the world & it dissolves me also,
Shiva, into the great spiritual heart where life always throbs as One,
knowing no other, & all pending accounts are paid in full forever.
i have done this before: continually urged myself to progress, accepting that there would be ups & downs, blessings lost & blessings found. i am not new to this journey, neither do i rejoice nor complain. there is really no choice, for basically i follow my own nature: that which i genuinely want to do, which circumstances call forth.
the mind is programmed by life to respond in certain ways, according to the situation set-up of this dreamlike domain of jagat. there is great joy in expressing within the flow of ones own nature, feeling the fullness of energy building & its smooth streaming forth to evolve, flower & fruit, & gladly to share the final harvest.
once i stood before a tapestry hundreds of miles in length & width. i contemplated a single square inch of it & found fault & flaw, no meaningful pattern or redeeming quality could i find there. You, Shiva, came to me & took my hand, pulling me along with You. You showed me such vast sweet glory that the budding inner self quickened & blossomed in the light of it all, in the wonder & radiance.
I saw that the whole vast pattern seamlessly included even that single small inch too &, at that moment of direct knowing, i ceased judging what i perceived & began to rejoice in the layered complexity of divine love & in You, Shiva, my authentic, inclusive, good, pure, vital, vibrant, enduring connection to wholeness.
so it is that i simply take what comes into my life & love it into a meaningful pattern, to the best of my ability. i earnestly move forward toward You who have called me & to whom i have given all that i am now & all that i may yet become. this writing chronicles it, for there is no other journey for me.
i see the people who live here & the people who work here
coming & going, coming & going, like a human tide.
this is nursing home life, the last stronghold of the weary form,
the final chance for deconstruction & renunciation
of body-self identification, countdown to release
the encumbrances of earthly life. i seek to use it well.
the intention is to show that it's never too late to serve
the vast Beingness interpenetrating all life & form.
names & shapes come & go, ebb & flow, yet the Nameless remains.
the Nameless comes forth to us all through the veil of name & form,
therefore Shiva has come to me even through my ignorance.
i honor this time & the One who holds me like a lover.
He is here & i will go with Him when the tide rushes out.
names & shapes come & go, ebb & flow, yet the Nameless remains.
You meet me formlessly as i reach to You inwardly,
shedding the dense outer form, progressively dropping
identifiers until only beingness remains.
i know You in this world by Your energy signature
absorbed in our formless unions, which continue to bless.
You touch me now as i, in my elderhood, freely yield
myself to You who have blessed this life inexplicably,
enduringly, persistently, for i am slow to wake.
You have remained with me throughout my ignorance, Shiva.
You are the one constant in all this shifting flow of life.
i embrace You in deep devotion & dedication.
absolve me of my ignorance, enfold me in Your love.
You meet me formlessly as i reach to You inwardly.
Lord Shiva, You gently, persistently press on the mind, seeking space between thoughts as Your portal. my heart turns to You like a sunflower yearning for noonday sun, full open, drenched in Your light, while the mind is stunned thoughtless by the touch of Your grace.
THIS HAPPENED 