i rise into flight & i break into song, into a thousand thousand pieces. they all have their own holy lives & they have their own wings as they fly off to do their own duties. surely songs are free beings with their own dharma after they emerge from the lips: they have their own journeys to set out upon. i carried them all when they were tender & small & it's time now to let them go free. i break out of the prison i carefully made out of rules, roles & regulations. i'm cutting the cords; i'm leaving the matrix. i'm fully out of the chrysalis now, shedding the confining tight old skin & spreading my wings into the rising sunlight. they glow & they know just where to go, & i am but a passenger. Shiva, these wings will take me to You: what else can be their purpose? what else can they do but take me to You? that's what this life is for.
sometimes i am a garden lying fallow after harvest, stripped of my nourishing abundance. my leaves are brown & crisp, stalks & stems are brittle & broken, scattered on the resting earth as a testament to blessings given generously. i can breathe into the earth even when i cannot reach for the shining sky, so i go deep, deep down past the spent dry roots. i sleep, forgetful of bright springtime & sun, returning the physical substance to its origin. i dream. i dream of You, Shiva, Who planted me here & cultivated my pure essence & reaped my natural bounty. it has emerged from tiny hard seeds hidden in the darkness of the ground, & grown to lift many arms & hands up to praise the sun & honor the moon. it has been glorious, & i thank You, Shiva, as i release the firm form into the cool darkness & soft dust of the waiting earth. lying fallow is also part of the process that yields the next abundant harvest in its own time. hold me, Shiva. hold me as i rest quietly without care, dreaming of formlessness & freedom from this human dharma.
i was talking casually with my friend claire, glancing at her, when suddenly You flash out of her eyes & into me by way of the eye. there is no time. there is only a vast, inclusive, infinite belonging & melting oneness. intelligent life leaps & dances forth, sweeps me into sweetness beyond compare. it is all i have ever longed for & it enters me fully. it is me. i am That. yes! my heart knows the wordless truth of it. & i blink & return back to the conversation with my friend. meanwhile, no time has passed &, for her, nothing at all has happened. i didn't know You by name then, Shiva, yet i am wedded to You & have been since i was 13, a chosen child bride promised to a vast warm being of power, capable of anything. that is Your nature, Shiva, & my nature is to be with You. a few months pass. i am a passenger in a car, holding my infant daughter in my arms. i look into her eyes & again, Shiva, You join with me through the portal of the eye of my child. this merging has no words & no story, only blissful love & infinite sweetness beyond slow clumsy words or comprehension. it is from the far distant realm of my heart's true ancestral home. & i blink, back in the body, as if no time had passed, as if i were just sitting in a car with other people, holding a baby, as if the day were typical & i wasn't now blessed. for i surely am, for we all surely are blessed, yet lacking the full vision, the deep realization. we can only gaze upon the far shore, glowing in the distance, & sincerely intend to journey there in the fullness of time. i call You by name, Shiva, to strengthen the energy between us, to get Your attention & to propel myself forward. i am like an arrow that is already loosed from the bow-string, speeding unstoppably to You. my attention is focussed fully on You, Shiva, my dharma & my destiny, & my heart knows the deep subtle truth of it.
fruit hanging on the tree ripens from tart to sweet, ever maturing & softening, becoming lushly juicy. fully ripe fruit may fall from the tree, offering itself to the passing hungry beings, to all who search for food. this is the dharma of fruit: to nourish all, that the seed inside may be carried to fertile soil to continue the ageless cycle of replication & provision. Shiva, You have given me sweetness, color & fragrance. i hang here on this branch, ripe & awaiting Your harvest in the coming time, in the season of ingathering. whether i grow on the highest branch or on the lowest is of no concern, for You see my innate potential transcending the exterior circumstances. You are the lord of trees, of the green world, Shiva, overseeing their divine gifts of nurture, shelter, ceaseless protection & generosity. in the same way, people who give of themselves without measure abide in Your protection. i am here on this branch awaiting Your harvest, Shiva, giving myself to Your service, for this is my dharma.
there are no words to describe You adequately & hence many words appear, like birds singing in the rising dawn. they can't help themselves. it's their dharma to sing at first light. i can't stop myself from discerning You in varied ways. i sense You like water gently raining down upon me, drenching me with Your ten thousand glorious names & forms. everything points to You, turns to You, just as sunflowers yearn earnestly for the sun & track its course in the sky. i seek You in events & persist until i find You. with equal determination I turn my gaze inward & seek You within the hidden "i" of this persona. ah Shiva! i play hide & seek with You as though i were a mischievous deva lost in an earthly frolic. i stand behind these many words i write for You, meaning well, just like the dawn bird who sings so joyously, or the tall sunflower lifting its face up to worship the sun. it is the dharma of my sunflower heart to love You.
Shiva, Your cool rain is a sweet benediction, healing & soothing the raw edges of the heart. comfort me with rainbows, lift me upon Your clouds. i would float upon Your love, myself a blessing. the world is my field of dharmic group service now, yet You are my center & i hold fast to You. although i bend beneath the hard weight of this life, i do not fall nor do i neglect my duties. not by any virtue of mine, but through You alone is the work done, & the fruits of work go where You determine in Your mysterious, profound way. all is done by You, beyond human mind & heart. it is done by You & i am Your agent here on this blue planet which, itself, struggles toward a greater life in this primal cosmic cycle, time after time, aeon upon aeon, onward. we humans are Your transforming agents, Shiva, created, formed & born for Your service & grace. looking through the cosmic lens, i can see how we are the outreach of a vast emanating source. thus do i celebrate this opportunity to praise You, yearning to return to Your wholeness, resting in the cool downpour of Your cleansing rain.