Shiva's dance is the powerful tandava, laying out lines of commanding energy, vigorous & compelling. our human dance seems to be the fibonacci-mandelbrot polka, three quick steps & a hop. we throw ourselves into the perpetually repeating self-similar patterns, intending to advance our understanding. each dance move leads on to yet another, with but a slight change, replication into evolution, flowing on. new expressions emerge ceaselessly from the old. we step lively to keep pace, all part of the innate cosmic pattern that subtly links all expression as one self-similar repeating wingding of a pattern. three quick steps & a hop & here we go again, dancing out our destiny in the fibonacci-mandelbrot polka!
when i see the cool wind whirling leaves from the trees in the brisk autumn noontime, i don't say, "oh, how tragic! what a sad destiny!" instead, i delight in the bright colors of the crisp leaves & love to see them dancing in the wind as they pirouette & play in the warm sunshine. everything is coming & going, moving & changing, being born & dying. it is the nature of things. beyond the domain of the physical plane, other frequencies are calling me, for i do not want to live as if this realm alone is it, as if there is no Source. i see the sun reflected in a glass of water, but when the glass tips over & the sun in the water is gone, i don't cry out, "how tragic! what a sad destiny!" this would be like looking at one square inch of a huge mural. i don't see the whole picture & i don't know the whole story: it's being continually refreshed & renewed. in this world of duality, every blessing holds its challenge & every challenge also holds its blessing. thus i am simply grateful for all my experience, regardless of its outer form. gifts are delivered in various wrappings & i don't know what is inside. i do know that somehow, somewhere, a gift from my divine Beloved is contained within it, & i am grateful for the unknown blessing. this is what You teach me, Shiva. You open up my vision to the pure celestial shining within the terrestrial. You show me the lotus rising from the mud & water, reaching upwards to the sun. my heart is now doing just this as i chant Your mantra, Shiva. i rise free from the thick cold dark into the radiant light of You.
a bird is free to live according to its own winged nature, for all animals are free in that way, including humans. the land animals & sea & sky creatures are all free to live out their innate qualities in innocent fulfillment of their own true essence, & so are humans. we have our own unfolding destiny, an arc of training to complete. we humans are the ladle that stirs the steaming pot of soup simmering on the cooking fire. the Hand that holds the ladle is a Vaster Hand than ours, preparing sacred sustenance for numinous devic beings. as the mere ladle, we don't know the recipe or the recipients. in fact, we believe that all this is our own triumph & accomplishment, a conclusion that the other earthly animals are innocent of. they rest in their own radiant pristine natures, while we humans sweat & struggle, leaving a trail of wasteland behind us, calling it progress or collateral damage, as we fondle & guard our medals & money. ah, the resounding echo of the laughter of the Gods surely thunders yet in our dreamtime! we loudly praise freedom as we stand weighed down by our chains, for we are blind to our own bondage, & we proudly call ourselves free! a bird is free. a fish is free. a deer, a cat, a butterfly: they are all free within the purity of their hallowed wholeness, impeccable, while we strategize & plan & lay claim to our own desires with gusto. & the Holy Hand holds the ladle that stirs the pot & we look neither upwards nor inwards, believing that we are the makers & doers. the enjoyers of the feast smile at our ignorance as we laud our freedom. ah Shiva! You are quite the tease, a Holy Joker & Awakener! You prepare humanity for a grand destiny that we can't yet grasp, so You teach us to endure & reflect upon the meaning of our lives. thus we are here for the long journey, trekking through arcane cosmic cycles on our way back home to You, Shiva, reaching out to touch Your Holy Hand.
i came to You late, Shiva, at age seventy five. although You came early to me when i was thirteen, i didn't know who You were, & i drifted elsewhere. i didn't know how to cultivate the connection, & maya simply blew me away. You came again when i was fourteen. the out of body journey that You took me on became a living seed planted deep within my memory to continue informing me as an adult. You showed me the holiness of this existence. You encouraged me with the vision of my true divine potential. You wrapped me in love. but for years i was like a blind person in a strange new room, feeling my way through unknown mysterious obstacles on my way to an equally cryptic & obscure destination. finally, when my old life is dead & gone & i huddle amidst the wreckage & the shards of the remaining scraps, finally, You come. You come in response to the collapse of my beleaguered walls, roof & foundation. You come because at last i am wide open & asking for You, calling out, even though i don't yet know Your name. my heart calls out the loudest of all, for the heart knows far more than the head alone. & behold! events transpire that bring me to You at last, & You send a helper with Your everlasting mantra: Om Namah Shivaya. gradually the blinders fall away as my sadhana deepens, & i take refuge in You via Your mantra: in You, my chosen Deity who also chose me, & did so before i knew Your name. i immerse myself in You, I throw myself off the cliff of the world into the limitless ocean of You. i paint pictures of You, write heartfelt poems to You, sing freely to You & i chant Your mantras. my room looks like a museum honoring You, & even more like a temple in full swing of celebrating Your sweet sacred presence. in fact, Shiva, You genuinely do reside here now with me & in me. You are living through me & i am drawn by You to all that can assist me to come even closer to You. actually, You take me to the consummation of my long journey to You, Shiva. now that i know Your name, we cannot be separated. we are one life & i am Your expression in the human world, as are others. it's a mystery & i only have training wheels for exploring such arcane wonders. it's all Your body anyway, just as i too am Your body. because i don't know what else to do, i throw myself upon You to know myself as one with You, vividly & purely. i won't let go. i won't stop & i won't be sidetracked. You, Shiva, are my swadharma, my destiny & fulfillment. blessed is Your name, given as medicine for all. blessed is Om Namah Shivaya.
some blessings are so amazing that i don't recognize them as blessings for years, sometimes even decades. they are like the mystic eggs of a strange bird, bound to hatch in their own time, placed in the nest of me, knowing not what may come from them or when. i have seen blessings change into challenges overnight & challenges throw off their concealment to emerge as blessings. therefore i will rejoice in the gifts of the moment, holding them lightly that they may fly when they are called by destiny. You teach me to regard blessing & challenge with equal eyes, Shiva: as opportunity in disguise, to be esteemed. i cannot court one without bowing to the other also. we are all golden beneath the dust, deeply imprinted with the urge to evolve into wholeness. there is no turning back, no refusal to be what i yearn to be & am at heart. i will protect these strange eggs, Shiva, & will accept what may come from them with gentle respect for their divine origin.