when You were the sky, Shiva, & i was a cloud in Your vastness, You played with me through dancing fingers of wind, shaping me into magnificent forms far beyond my own insubstantial command. when You were the sky & i was Your cloud, i was held close in the purity & power of Your divine reach & thus was in the fated place to rest upon the wild blessing of Your broad blue chest. i was at the center of the target, Shiva. Your aim was true. now the body is human, yet You have come to play anyway: Your love is spacious, embracing all who sincerely long for You. just as You opened Yourself in the sky, so it is that now on earth You appear before me & draw me deep down into Your heart. You have made me Yours, marked me with Your touch & sign, declared Yourself in full to me. I say yes again, world without end, & we dance. what control has a drifting cloud in the windswept heights of the sky? enfold me in the swift current of Your divine intent, Shiva, & dance me across the wide sky into the blaze of a new dawn.
Shiva, i am learning to know all substance as Your body & all beings with varying forms & functions as Your expressions. the density of matter cloaks complete knowledge of You, although You truly are the all-pervading essence of that which remains to awareness after the transitory departs yet again. this grand drama of life gives birth to the earthly realm, with humans & many other beings populating it in a dance of flowing creativity in a subtle evolving pattern. Shiva, i know that this body, the source of personality, is shaped by genes, conditioning & impacting outer events. therefore it is not who i really am, as You often point out. i learn slowly, glad that You patiently persist in Your teaching that who i really am is the one constant steady awareness that remains vivid when all else is gone: this knowing that "i am", the same indwelling wisdom common to all created beings. Shiva, You are above, below, surrounding & within: source, quest & destination. You are the universal medicine. like a great tide You are upon me, sweeping me up in the flood of Your expression, calling me to the heart, core & center of all the various comings & goings of daily human life. wherever i focus i see You at the living heart of it. i know how it finally ends. i know that the light of kindness will once more prevail & that darkness will again lessen & that this dance will continue as it always does. this endless cosmic glory is like a flower opening from bud, blooming, wilting, fading, falling, releasing the seeds of new flowers to repeat another sacramental cycle of Your rhythmic dance, Shiva. i am looking within to the heart's chamber where You dwell & i simply want to be with You in the refuge of Your calm presence. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
holy is the rapture of fire & water, playing as spirit & matter, Shiva & Shakti, uniting. ah Shiva! let us float upon the waves of fond regard &, rising as mist, leave it all fading behind as we become transparent, as we become the splendor of light, as we become pure rainbow & nebulous aurora. oh Shiva! this dance of luminous flowing shapes dissolves into nameless effulgence of electrons! yet still You generously consent to these pale words as pointers toward that alluring numinous love calling us home. You are my home, Shiva, my heart's abode & resting place; i traverse this labyrinth of life securely in You.
i see them draw together, i observe them pull apart: the sun & moon in a space embrace, joining holy hearts. flaming embers fall to earth, descend from the cloudless sky, hinting at the mystery that the soul will not deny. Shiva's dance goes on & on as galactic seasons change. His music calls. i respond as i always do, again. i see us draw together, i observe us pull apart in this sacred dance of life wherein i give You my heart.
the field is open & bare, harvested to stubble, soaking up the streaming light of the sun, rejoicing. the sun, in sacred union with the whole rolling earth, blazes love & joy into the entire galaxy. the galaxy, in vast dance with other galaxies, spins in etheric quantum entanglement & love. love like dark matter. love like nebulae, like quasars. love like gravity, like magnetism, like lightning. love moving like the tides or like blood & lymph flowing. love like egg & sperm uniting. love like human birth. it's the same everywhere: this dance of energy, the holy harmonium sounding a sacred chord that echoes through the heart & bloodstream like music, pure! Shiva, the stars are shining in the sky of my eyes in the heavenly quantum entanglement called love where i am filled with the sound of Your sweet primal OM.
for aeons uncounted You have abided. for aeons uncounted i have sought You through the denseness of the concealing flesh, through the dark of the awakening heart. this is the time of our fated meeting, the union of soul & spirit confirmed. the world shivers in anticipation of this grand cosmic union, long foretold. the soul has proclaimed this primal vision to the stuttering, stumbling slow mind who carefully counts the syllables of a poem on the fingers of both hands. now the poem has emerged from the pen, spilling out upon this clean white paper. in this very manner continents shift & cosmic patterns align in the sky. for uncounted aeons we glide in dance, turning again through the stars & the dust, trailing the veil which no longer conceals the bright light of the awakening heart.
sometimes You are bright like a diamond in sun & i can be dark like night, deep & moist. this is what the dance now appears to present, yet always there is new life coming forward through the union, untold possibilities awaiting their time to come upon the stage. "welcome, my children," we greet them together.
the sky knows the curved arc of Your arrival, sweeping in swiftly at the midheaven's height. the earth knows the impact of Your arrival, spreading in long slow waves out from the center in familiar pattern of quickening life. the sky knows the curved arc of Your arrival. You come from far beyond sky, i awaiting. the heart is awakened & receptive now, the energy focussed, the urgency known in this quickstep dance pattern of creation, in an ever-rising rate of vibration.
today is a time of courage when i resolutely determine to remain alert, not to get lost in memory & mind chatter. over & over i return to my mantra, the lifeline which You have given me, to which i cling in the intense storms of circumstance. i dwell in a nursing home, an imperiled place in a pandemic, yet nonetheless You remain close when i can see beyond the surface to the divine timing that cares less for the unit than for the whole. remaining in an old worn body is not important. You alone are truly essential & i shall not lose my way back home to You! birth, death, body, spirit: the dance patterns of cosmic complexity, & i can no longer freestyle full out but seek now to rest in You. You are the center of the turning wheel & i will not lose focus upon You. although passing events may obscure, the heart will hold fast. the heart will hold fast when hands no longer find a solid place to grip. thus today is a time of courage when i devote myself to You. i am here for You. i do not fear the homeward journey of return for this script has long been written as the time to merge myself in You. the sun only sets for the earthbound & i am a child of the stars.
an ethereal thread holds all things together. i see it with my twilight eye, the moon-born sight of poets observing the lacy connections that can't be seen in the dominion of bright light. here in the misty dimness, neither light nor dark, colors fade to grey, stitched together with silver. nothing is clearly defined, shifting shapes again repeating primal patterns traced in solar dust. we are on the threshold where light & dark can dance. come to me now, Lord Shiva, & dance me within this density of substance & form in motion. take my hand, take my heart, dance me in words & art, tell me who You really are, tell me who i am, as we touch the subtle thread joining all the parts, tracing out blessings that are hidden in the heart.
hanging ripe upon the vine, my fragrance scents the air. will You pluck me now, my love? we both hunger for this.
when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was newly mature in body & yet a child in my mind & heart. You were beautiful & good & kind & You revealed that You loved me & that i was good & perfect at heart, & You held me within Your own heart, so very close that i became love. i melted into endless vast love, wanted it like oxygen & light -- to be enfolded & suspended in goodness, beauty & gentleness! transcendent, divine, all-pervading! when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was tender & raw in this world, betrayed & broken down to sorrow. therefore i returned from our union in amazed disbelief that such love could ever be mine. i turned away. i turned away from Your light & love in shame at my own disordered life, undeserving of pure divine love. i plunged down a precipitous path in thoughtless, careless exploration. i would descend to the depths; i chose to discern the domain of darkness. i shut You out in raging despair, throwing myself away to the world, a boulder rolling down a mountain. i could not bear the weight of Your light. thus darkness swallowed me entirely & i wallowed in grey shame & pain while the universe wheeled around me in ecstatic song, calling my name. calling my name again & again, tapping me on the head, sending me visions of You loving me, Shiva, until i slowly lifted my face to see You offer a love letter. i accepted it, took it to heart, soaked up Your love like dry ground in rain & moved forward from the shadowland. You set me free when i was able to accept such glorious freedom. i no longer turn away, Shiva. You are my doorway, sun, moon & stars. i open to You in devotion. You're a patient lover, i am shy. i am divinely touched & entered. Here i am, as an open window, as a portal to deep mystery, forever changed by what i have known. i am an old woman writing this. i confess that i want You so much i secretly call You "my Shiva." You will come for me at body's death. i aim to yield & melt into You like egg & sperm in divine rapture. everything temporal & human dissolves in this ultimate union. hold me in Your embrace, my Shiva, gliding in this holy dance with me, eternal lover & companion! whirl me & turn me & take me home!