the field is open & bare, harvested to stubble, soaking up the streaming light of the sun, rejoicing. the sun, in sacred union with the whole rolling earth, blazes love & joy into the entire galaxy. the galaxy, in vast dance with other galaxies, spins in etheric quantum entanglement & love. love like dark matter. love like nebulae, like quasars. love like gravity, like magnetism, like lightning. love moving like the tides or like blood & lymph flowing. love like egg & sperm uniting. love like human birth. it's the same everywhere: this dance of energy, the holy harmonium sounding a sacred chord that echoes through the heart & bloodstream like music, pure! Shiva, the stars are shining in the sky of my eyes in the heavenly quantum entanglement called love where i am filled with the sound of Your sweet primal OM.
for aeons uncounted You have abided. for aeons uncounted i have sought You through the denseness of the concealing flesh, through the dark of the awakening heart. this is the time of our fated meeting, the union of soul & spirit confirmed. the world shivers in anticipation of this grand cosmic union, long foretold. the soul has proclaimed this primal vision to the stuttering, stumbling slow mind who carefully counts the syllables of a poem on the fingers of both hands. now the poem has emerged from the pen, spilling out upon this clean white paper. in this very manner continents shift & cosmic patterns align in the sky. for uncounted aeons we glide in dance, turning again through the stars & the dust, trailing the veil which no longer conceals the bright light of the awakening heart.
sometimes You are bright like a diamond in sun & i can be dark like night, deep & moist. this is what the dance now appears to present, yet always there is new life coming forward through the union, untold possibilities awaiting their time to come upon the stage. "welcome, my children," we greet them together.
the sky knows the curved arc of Your arrival, sweeping in swiftly at the midheaven's height. the earth knows the impact of Your arrival, spreading in long slow waves out from the center in familiar pattern of quickening life. the sky knows the curved arc of Your arrival. You come from far beyond sky, i awaiting. the heart is awakened & receptive now, the energy focussed, the urgency known in this quickstep dance pattern of creation, in an ever-rising rate of vibration.
today is a time of courage when i resolutely determine to remain alert, not to get lost in memory & mind chatter. over & over i return to my mantra, the lifeline which You have given me, to which i cling in the intense storms of circumstance. i dwell in a nursing home, an imperiled place in a pandemic, yet nonetheless You remain close when i can see beyond the surface to the divine timing that cares less for the unit than for the whole. remaining in an old worn body is not important. You alone are truly essential & i shall not lose my way back home to You! birth, death, body, spirit: the dance patterns of cosmic complexity, & i can no longer freestyle full out but seek now to rest in You. You are the center of the turning wheel & i will not lose focus upon You. although passing events may obscure, the heart will hold fast. the heart will hold fast when hands no longer find a solid place to grip. thus today is a time of courage when i devote myself to You. i am here for You. i do not fear the homeward journey of return for this script has long been written as the time to merge myself in You. the sun only sets for the earthbound & i am a child of the stars.
an ethereal thread holds all things together. i see it with my twilight eye, the moon-born sight of poets observing the lacy connections that can't be seen in the dominion of bright light. here in the misty dimness, neither light nor dark, colors fade to grey, stitched together with silver. nothing is clearly defined, shifting shapes again repeating primal patterns traced in solar dust. we are on the threshold where light & dark can dance. come to me now, Lord Shiva, & dance me within this density of substance & form in motion. take my hand, take my heart, dance me in words & art, tell me who You really are, tell me who i am, as we touch the subtle thread joining all the parts, tracing out blessings that are hidden in the heart.
hanging ripe upon the vine, my fragrance scents the air. will You pluck me now, my love? we both hunger for this.
when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was newly mature in body & yet a child in my mind & heart. You were beautiful & good & kind & You revealed that You loved me & that i was good & perfect at heart, & You held me within Your own heart, so very close that i became love. i melted into endless vast love, wanted it like oxygen & light -- to be enfolded & suspended in goodness, beauty & gentleness! transcendent, divine, all-pervading! when You came to me at first, Shiva, i was tender & raw in this world, betrayed & broken down to sorrow. therefore i returned from our union in amazed disbelief that such love could ever be mine. i turned away. i turned away from Your light & love in shame at my own disordered life, undeserving of pure divine love. i plunged down a precipitous path in thoughtless, careless exploration. i would descend to the depths; i chose to discern the domain of darkness. i shut You out in raging despair, throwing myself away to the world, a boulder rolling down a mountain. i could not bear the weight of Your light. thus darkness swallowed me entirely & i wallowed in grey shame & pain while the universe wheeled around me in ecstatic song, calling my name. calling my name again & again, tapping me on the head, sending me visions of You loving me, Shiva, until i slowly lifted my face to see You offer a love letter. i accepted it, took it to heart, soaked up Your love like dry ground in rain & moved forward from the shadowland. You set me free when i was able to accept such glorious freedom. i no longer turn away, Shiva. You are my doorway, sun, moon & stars. i open to You in devotion. You're a patient lover, i am shy. i am divinely touched & entered. Here i am, as an open window, as a portal to deep mystery, forever changed by what i have known. i am an old woman writing this. i confess that i want You so much i secretly call You "my Shiva." You will come for me at body's death. i aim to yield & melt into You like egg & sperm in divine rapture. everything temporal & human dissolves in this ultimate union. hold me in Your embrace, my Shiva, gliding in this holy dance with me, eternal lover & companion! whirl me & turn me & take me home!