this knowing that “i am”

Shiva, i am learning to know all substance as Your body &
all beings with varying forms & functions as Your expressions.
the density of matter cloaks complete knowledge of You, although
You truly are the all-pervading essence of that which remains
to awareness after the transitory departs yet again.

this grand drama of life gives birth to the earthly realm, with humans
& many other beings populating it in a dance of
flowing creativity in a subtle evolving pattern.

Shiva, i know that this body, the source of personality,
is shaped by genes, conditioning & impacting outer events.
therefore it is not who i really am, as You often point out.
i learn slowly, glad that You patiently persist in Your teaching
that who i really am is the one constant steady awareness
that remains vivid when all else is gone: this knowing that "i am",
the same indwelling wisdom common to all created beings.

Shiva, You are above, below, surrounding & within: source,
quest & destination. You are the universal medicine.
like a great tide You are upon me, sweeping me up in the flood
of Your expression, calling me to the heart, core & center of
all the various comings & goings of daily human life.
wherever i focus i see You at the living heart of it.

i know how it finally ends. i know that the light of kindness
will once more prevail & that darkness will again lessen & that
this dance will continue as it always does. this endless cosmic
glory is like a flower opening from bud, blooming, wilting,
fading, falling, releasing the seeds of new flowers to repeat
another sacramental cycle of Your rhythmic dance, Shiva.
i am looking within to the heart's chamber where You dwell & i
simply want to be with You in the refuge of Your calm presence.
OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

sudden patches of wild violets

Shiva, i have been following Your instructions
to review my life from the mature perspective
that sees a long lifetime of patterns & events.
i am to release the stories from all who have
offered their opinions of me throughout this life.
i am to let go of my conclusions based on
hearsay & social pressure to follow a script.

i am to welcome those events that light up with
meaning & life & a quickened spring in my step.
i am to honor my dreamtime intuition
& to notice hints & clues left in my night dreams.
i am to respect all that warms & lights me up,
all the playful creativity expressing
like sudden patches of wild violets tempting
from the beaten path of well-trod obedience.

i am to recompose my current life story
now that i see the patterns of the old version.
all those characters are dead or far away now
& i am free of the weight of the burden they 
unknowingly placed upon my shoulders & mind.

there are none to convince, none to resist either.
only i know my story, as You also do
because You are teaching me how to see it now
& know it as my genuine experience
through the healing power of poetry & prose.
I have been following Your instructions, Shiva,
mellowing into age & gaining depth & peace.