i am not the body-personality nor am i the author of the actions of that physical being. i am the observing awareness, the indwelling presence ever abiding beyond thought, who calmly witnesses. that which is done through the body's agency, because of the influence of the personality, belongs to that entity alone. it is not mine. i am the pure bright awareness enlivening the body: truly, i am not of the body. i am ever free, ever stainless, like a cloud in the sky, like space itself, just present, offering no resistance & no attachment. now i am standing on the threshold between body-personality & observing awareness. in daily life both flow with the evolving events of the moment. yet the body-personality has many ups & downs, whereas the awareness remains clear & steady, unattached to the outcome. this is what i contemplate in sadhana, Shiva. i currently am a fluctuating amalgam of spirit & matter. it's like that tremulous moment when the butterfly realizes that she is in the chrysalis & can remotely sense her wings slowly developing, but she herself is yet vulnerable & powerless to act. nor is it needful, for creation is unfolding & happening naturally, by itself, for all of us. ah Shiva! this sadhana is on-going, a way of life, & i am quite fundamentally drawn to it, attracted like the moth to her fulfillment in the fire of flaming truth. i am witness to the blazing conflagration.
i am floating in the night sky, a cloud in the moonlight. i have no fingers for grasping & securing, no feet for running & jumping. i have no eyes to see appearances, no mouth to speak of myself. the mind is awed by the cascading torrents of stars & disappears into silence. it's consumed by stars & silence & the rolling flow of currents of electromagnetic energy swirling up from the earth & down from mysteries invisible, unknown & unseen. the moon's gravitational field gently enfolds me as i float high in the nighttime sky, a cloud in the soft moonlight; yet i am neither deaf nor blind, merely immensely detached. perhaps my form may appear as human at times, but i would rather be a cloud soaring above earth, looking into the arcane depths of deep space where dark matter, quasars & galaxies are clumped thickly like glitter on black velvet. it's peaceful to cease being human for a little while & just to be a cloud floating in the night sky in the moonlight. it's hard to hurt a cloud. they do not bleed or complain & they mind their own business. as cloud or human, i'm an innocent expression of Shiva, who lives in every atom & holds all form together & sometimes lets it fall apart. i rest in Shiva & float where He flows, like a leaf carried by the river or a cloud in the depths of the nighttime sky. it's good that being in a human body is not a full time job!
when You were the sky, Shiva, & i was a cloud in Your vastness, You played with me through dancing fingers of wind, shaping me into magnificent forms far beyond my own insubstantial command. when You were the sky & i was Your cloud, i was held close in the purity & power of Your divine reach & thus was in the fated place to rest upon the wild blessing of Your broad blue chest. i was at the center of the target, Shiva. Your aim was true. now the body is human, yet You have come to play anyway: Your love is spacious, embracing all who sincerely long for You. just as You opened Yourself in the sky, so it is that now on earth You appear before me & draw me deep down into Your heart. You have made me Yours, marked me with Your touch & sign, declared Yourself in full to me. I say yes again, world without end, & we dance. what control has a drifting cloud in the windswept heights of the sky? enfold me in the swift current of Your divine intent, Shiva, & dance me across the wide sky into the blaze of a new dawn.