clear – THIS HAPPENED

i am not the body-personality nor am i the author of the
actions of that physical being. i am the observing awareness, the
indwelling presence ever abiding beyond thought, who calmly witnesses.

that which is done through the body's agency, because of the influence of
the personality, belongs to that entity alone. it is not mine.
i am the pure bright awareness enlivening the body: truly, i am
not of the body. i am ever free, ever stainless, like a cloud in the sky,
like space itself, just present, offering no resistance & no attachment.

now i am standing on the threshold between body-personality &
observing awareness. in daily life both flow with the evolving events
of the moment. yet the body-personality has many ups & downs,
whereas the awareness remains clear & steady, unattached to the outcome.

this is what i contemplate in sadhana, Shiva. i currently am a
fluctuating amalgam of spirit & matter. it's like that tremulous
moment when the butterfly realizes that she is in the chrysalis &
can remotely sense her wings slowly developing, but she herself is yet
vulnerable & powerless to act. nor is it needful, for creation
is unfolding & happening naturally, by itself, for all of us.

ah Shiva! this sadhana is on-going, a way of life, & i am quite
fundamentally drawn to it, attracted like the moth to her fulfillment
in the fire of flaming truth. i am witness to the blazing conflagration.

when i look at my earlier life, it is as if i can see a broken mirror that has been pieced together & glued upon a firm surface. this, my earthly identity, is the broken mirror, flawed, fragmented & in pieces. You, Shiva, are the firm surface that holds all the broken pieces together, steadily present in the background of awareness as i do my duties. here in this maya of jagat, in the midst of all the shattered & fractured illusions & dreams, You are that companion who holds firm to dharma for the well-being of us all. You help to make the vision clear before us, that we may see ourselves endlessly held together & bound through divine compassion & bold wisdom. the patterns made by the cracks in the mirror are but a needed part of the story. everything has a story to tell, like the wrinkles on an elderly face or the scars upon a body. oh my Beloved, You upon Whom my earthly life depends, Who reveal my true identity to me: Your name is on my lips. ah Shiva, my Shiva! the sweetness of Your name melts upon my tongue like warm honey & fills the heart with bliss. You are my very ground of being, my oxygen & water, & i say Your name as tonic for the healing of us all: OM NAMAH SHIVAYA! this broken mirror shines with Your holy light, Shiva, my Shiva!