spilling out in these words

i live in a small room
where my walls call Your name.
Your footprints cross my floor,
hidden from others' eyes.
Your imprint on my bed
& likewise on my chair,
only my eyes can see.
i paint & draw Your face
& write poems to You.
i call Your holy name
& sing Your sacred songs.
I look within, deep down,
& all i see is You.
You are in my darkness
& You are in the light.
You are breathing through me,
You are beating my heart.
Your presence is coursing 
through my veins as i write,
spilling out in these words
through the pen on paper.
Lord Shiva, i am Yours,
marked by You before birth,
living for You on earth.

You held me

You seemed to me like royalty,
i hunkered in the dirt.
You told me of Your love for me,
i was lost in my hurt.
i hid my face, You drew me close,
You held me to Your heart.
Your glory seemed too much for me,
i kept myself apart.

You came to me repeatedly,
my heart was tightly furled.
i turned my back & gathered up
the treasures of this world.
then came the day i lost it all
but You still yet remained.
You cut the chains that bound my heart,
You healed me of my pain.
You made a doorway in my wall,
a temple in my heart.
i yield myself to You humbly,
i am Your work of art.

like a tortoise

like a tortoise in my carapace,
weary & wary of all,
i lumber along my careful way,
protecting my wound & scars.
i stay to the corners & edges,
i keep my back to the wall.

You roll me over with no warning,
Your power descends on me.
Like the ill, i look through leaden eyes,
like the dead, i don't resist.
You strike me once & You strike me twice,
You urge me now to come forth.
You release me from my old burden,
You illuminate my night.
You strip the bandage away from me
& make my wound a doorway
opening into my guarded heart
where You radiate Your light.
You gather me up into Your arms,
Your heat is melting my heart.
You nourish me & illumine me,
You bathe me in Your esteem.
You are my home, i am not alone,
You are my true destiny.

only the heart

You reached out to me & cut me free
but my back was to the door.
i raged against my imprisonment
& fervently did implore
for meaning, purpose, reality
beyond daily emptiness.
i called You, sought You, begged You to come,
my yearning was bottomless.

You were there yet i was unaware
for my eyes & ears were sealed.
looking back now in my elderhood
i see the pattern revealed.
You did come to me, repeatedly,
You were not ever concealed --
only the heart can perceive the real
& only the heart can feel.

no regrets

i will not dance the charted steps,
i will not wear the veil.
i turn from phoney flowers,
i only seek the real.
i am not a proper puppet,
the strings are mostly cut.
long ago i shunned the wide way
to try the obscure rut.
i have no regrets or sorrows
or things i wish i'd done.
i rest now in Lord Shiva's arms,
the many returning to One.

he comes

the mirror is covered with dust
& age is devouring the mind.
my heart hungers for Lord Shiva;
He shines like a sunrise to me.
i open in His warm sweet light
like rose petals from the tight bud.
He is first & middle & last,
the only focus that matters
as the body nibbles at time.

leaving the mirror behind me,
i return the dust to the earth
& face into the mystery
as i hear His song calling me.
He comes, He comes, my Lord Shiva!
He is radiant with blessing!
He sings me home, my heart is His.
i cling to Him, my timeless Friend
to whom i am betrothed: my Love!

wife welcoming husband home

You are woven through my life,
patterned in my skin & bones.
You have carried me through loss
& danced with me in danger.

my eyes have been uncovered:
now i know You for my guide,
see Your touch upon my fate.
Your hand is raised in guidance,
Your gaze enlightens my path.

i am empty without You.
the fragrance of Your presence
invites me to cling to You,
wife welcoming husband home.

i knew i was not lost

i knew i was not lost
though they told me i was.
i knew that i was blessed
though they said i was cursed.

i lived my days with them
essentially unseen,
courting the mystery
ceaselessly calling me,
utmost magnet of love
attracting constantly.

i am aware of You --
i feel You in my heart
& in my brain & bones.
You stroke me with soft wind,
You sway in the shadows
& You blaze in the sun.
You call me from hiding
& stand me before You,
naked in my yearning,
stripped of human learning.
i am Yours, returning,
open like a plowed field
ready to receive seed.

I knew I was not lost.
I knew that i was blessed.
I knew that it was You
who comes to me at last.

my chair

my chair cradles & cuddles,
easing the body & breath,
a molecular lover,
vehicle & companion
on the journey to Shiva,
He to whom i am betrothed.
i am urged by the marrow
deep within my very bones.
He made me. He owns me.
He has me now forever.
i am made of His substance.
i hear His call, i respond.

my chair like an animal
strains toward Him, wanting Him.
everything wants Him now.
all else is meaningless, dry,
a dream to awaken from.
Lord Shiva lives in my heart!