the wind is playing with the newly-leafed tresses of the nearby trees today, tossing them about as if they were the long curls of intense & passionate spanish dancers. i only see their shadows on my curtains, but oh, how joyous they seem to be, flinging & swinging their new spring leaves in dramatic sweeping curves of visual gratitude! deep within, Shiva, there is springtime in the soul as well, reaching out eagerly to You in Your guise as the solar winds to dance in grand cosmic revelry. although i cannot see it directly, i do notice the evidence of light & freely given exuberant wonder & joyousness. i am stretching full out to catch it in the fingers of subtle new awareness & discerning observation. in this world, only the form is seen, & it too is beautiful in the way that graceful moving shadows are when cast upon a curtain. they draw us to open wide the curtain that we may see truly with direct perception rather than partially & obliquely only. yes, Shiva, everywhere i look i see Your messages & teachings. the dancing shadow shapes of the leafing trees are Your fleeting greetings, giving rise to a broad smile on my face & melting warmth in the heart.
it is as if i have been granted access to a dimension previously unknown to me. evening enfolds, & the other residents are in bed as the mind's silence now invites peace to embrace. i relax in my recliner, contemplating the soft surrounding space stretching above me & all around. my eyes lose their concrete focus & widen into the shifting shadow & light of the dancing air. it is as if the focus of my eyes has adjusted to a more rarified realm. i can no longer separate the vision of the physical eye from the mind's eye. gradually i become aware of two vague beings on either side of me. i slowly understand that they are benefactors, healers, & that i am one of their charges. we communicate wordlessly as they share their healing energy, which i accept, leaning back in my recliner. i come to understand that this interpenetrating higher dimension is always present, freely offering access to uplifting energies. my own vibratory rate has apparently quickened enough now to allow contact. this information flows into me to comfort with pure intent. all is warmly radiant with the light of truth & the fragrance of cosmic love interpenetrates everything. i relax into the healing blessing of this new frequency. awareness has deepened & expanded to include so much more! even after the passage of time back here in this world of flesh, blood & bone, i can feel the benevolent subtle presence of this more refined vibratory realm, a place of healing indeed! thank you for the warm encouragement, Shiva! i am heartened & energized to continue on, for i have now experienced that which was previously known through the intellect alone. though that is is not my goal, Shiva, it stands as a marker on the path of return to You, who are the focus of my attention. You alone dwell in my heart, which now sings Om Namah Shivaya!
i see that maya's way is to draw us into situations whereby strands of our connective energy are hooked & woven into it. many dramas will seek to involve us: family, national, global, plus hidden inner conflicts & struggles when all else is calm. it is unavoidable in the world of form. i notice this strongly now, being elderly & disabled & thus having less abundant energy. each cause that i feel called to champion, every imbalance or injustice i seek to ameliorate draws an energy thread to connect to it. thus i'm woven into the sociocultural web & am supporting its constructs with my prana & focussed intentions. hence i become mindful indeed of where i want my energy to flow. having less available energy, i must put it into what i most prioritize. Shiva, what efficiency You show to demonstrate maya & to teach me to cut the ties to that which serves me not! all that has been generationally established calls urgently for participation. family values, national priorities, social-enculturation: they all sing their majority-approved alluring siren songs. refusal is frowned upon: there is always a price to pay for freedom & mindfulness, yet it becomes necessary in time. You encourage & support awareness, dispassion & kindness, Shiva. Your voice eventually becomes more magnetic & powerful than maya as i travel on this journey with You. even negative events can serve a positive purpose by training the mind to be a detached observer. such clear vision can expand to reveal the pattern that eventually shows itself to be serving growth. understanding this, i no longer turn my back on Your guidance, Shiva. my heart goes out to You, blends with You in fact. all this reduces the attraction of maya. may we choose with care & may we be willing to pay the price of our choice. remaining in thoughtless thrall to maya will exact its own price, even as Shiva extracts His. i choose You, Shiva, & i willingly pay Your price, for maya is but a dream, empty & temporary. You, Shiva, are constant & You touch my heart with Your pure, holy love. i turn my back on the shadow-show of maya to embrace You, Shiva. i rest in You & take refuge.
the daily happenings around me are the distractions that delay going deep within to commune with You, Shiva. life in this earthly world is focussed upon outer events. You call me away from that to journey within my inner world to the wellspring of awareness. thus i must turn my back on the social demands of the outer world. i must find that internal source from which awareness arises & flows & i must remain with that, returning always to the central knowing that "i am", even in the midst of harsh discord & downfall. Shiva, i am asking for Your help, asking You to have no mercy toward my dullness & density, my declining ability & errors of thought. hold me close & repair the damage. hold me close & bless the shy & tender, the pure & innocent deep, deep within. hold me close to You & please help me to know that You see through these eyes; You hear through these ears & You live in this world as You function through me. hold me through the soul's dark night & hold me through my own & all others' ignorant stumbling towards the promise of light. i can no longer endure the dead weight of the darkness in this world's long struggle lightwards. yet of course i must. the work is before me, as You have given, & i continue on here in this eternal now. even as i rest against You, even as You hold me & i press against You so hard & deep that only You remain, this existence does continue on. i live in You & You live through me, as me. I press my lips to Yours & You speak through me, carrying me forward beyond the distractions of the world into Your body of bliss. I thank You for Your mercy.
the daily critique of people & events runs on one channel. the witness of this drama watches it from another channel. where do i place my voluntary attention & heartfelt choice? at each moment there is a purposeful return to the witness. over & over the urge manifests to see truly, clearly, not to indulge in the ego drama of fierce feelings, needs & iron preferences enclosing like binding chains & blinders. if nothing more is done for sadhana than this alone, at least this much is completed to coax & invite deeper awareness. hence the mind's tv is tirelessly tuned to the witness channel, forming the habit of divine detachment as a point of view. it will eventually happen that the tv is turned off & that there are no channels at all available any more. now comes the singularity, the formless blending foretold by quantum physics & the upanishads & psychedelics. as the event horizon nears, i surrender the mind to You. ah, it's better that my heart should thirst & pine after You, Shiva, than to encounter the hungry ghosts of the active agile mind!
hanging ripe upon the vine, my fragrance scents the air. will You pluck me now, my love? we both hunger for this.