enjoy the laugh, Shiva!

just when i think i'm so free & detached, wham! i notice myself
clinging to definite identity preferences with fiery
passion that i thought was long-faded & finally extinguished.

a lifetime's cultivation of detachment & dispassion is
nebulous & vague in the face of a new irresistible
attraction, which i never did see coming. i learn that i am
not free at all, but am tied to ego-values with roots as deep
as crabgrass. how can i adhere to detachment alongside
the strong desire that i should be respected? they both stand nobly
in the arena of the mind, regarding each other. desire
circles around detachment, & confusion is born. clarity
crumbles into rubble at my feet. where is trust? kindness now has
suspicious squinty eyes & nothing seems dependable at all
anymore, just as i began to think that i'm free & detached!

enjoy the laugh, Shiva! i can see the irony too, but You
alone have the solution. i am patient. i will wait for You.
this is all Yours anyway, & i am Yours too, for we return
to the fact that only in You is there full resolution &
refuge for me, who comes from Your own ancient timeless origin.

You came to me softly

You came to me softly in the night all those years ago, Your tender
comfort wrapping me as completely as a swaddling blanket, from the
top of my head to the soles of my feet. i had never felt so loved.

You were bodiless, yet Your attraction was strong, like a tractor beam
sweetly drawing me in to You. i had called You to me: You may have
me completely. i give myself to You fully in service to light.

i said that with a thirteen year old's sincerity in a stifling
society. i turned my back on that world & i faced toward You,
my visitor from another dimensional realm of mystery.
alas, Your visit was so fleeting! You stayed but briefly, just to teach
me how to make an altar that supported my deepest inner life.

after all the detritus & dust has settled, You emerge again
to me, in your body of power this time. i am swept up. i am
wholly pulled in. i am with You, connected at the heart & by Your
name. we are sealed together with Your mantra: om namah Shivaya.

initially, You came to me softly in the night, yet now we walk
in the light of day in bold unconcern & nonchalance. after all,
You do have me completely, while the human world has but a small part.
i travel this journey with You, Shiva, swaddled in Your divine name,
which surrounds & overlights like the wild charm of Your holy aura.