i will not dance the charted steps, i will not wear the veil. i turn from phoney flowers, i only seek the real. i am not a proper puppet, the strings are mostly cut. long ago i shunned the wide way to try the obscure rut. i have no regrets or sorrows or things i wish i'd done. i rest now in Lord Shiva's arms, the many returning to One.
You are the distant thunder in the far hills of my mind. i see Your face in the clouds & i leave my tasks behind. i pray for Your healing rain, i plead with my voice & eyes. sprout my seeds that they may grow, touch me with Your warm sunrise, enter me with Your pure glow.
i sold my mind for a few kind words & gave my body away, yet they could not really get to me for i hid behind the play. the passing people, their undreamed dreams, went by like shadow & dust. i grimly witnessed the storyline, i did what i knew i must. i turned my back on the human world. i wandered my blinded way & fell into a vast emptiness, night after night with no day. i cried for light & i begged for it yet turned away my head from every single kind offering of sustenance, & i fled. i could run, i could not hide from it & i could not veer away. i faced it all, i embraced the act, my part within the play. then i was dismembered with a knife & speared by a holy word. i bled my sadness, i bled my fear & i threw away my sword. i looked away from the play of dreams & long sought for something real, where heart & mind might find their true home, where then i could laugh & feel. many years have plodded past since then & much was explored & seen. i was not touched. though the lines were there, still i remained in between. until You came & that changed it all for You brought the world alive. You took my weary old cardboard life, the play, the dream, final dive -- You turned me around & upside down & also inside & out. You revealed the real within the fake & You took away my doubt. i sing now the song my heart calls forth in sweet tones like colors pure. the real is living within my soul, the rest I can now endure.
the mirror is covered with dust & age is devouring the mind. my heart hungers for Lord Shiva; He shines like a sunrise to me. i open in His warm sweet light like rose petals from the tight bud. He is first & middle & last, the only focus that matters as the body nibbles at time. leaving the mirror behind me, i return the dust to the earth & face into the mystery as i hear His song calling me. He comes, He comes, my Lord Shiva! He is radiant with blessing! He sings me home, my heart is His. i cling to Him, my timeless Friend to whom i am betrothed: my Love!
i looked through the eyes of the damned,
i looked through the eyes of the cursed.
i wallowed in sorrow & smut,
swallowed by dark ruminations
that laid me down flat like roadkill.
yet still Lord Shiva approached me,
He opened His circle to me.
i turned away, my face covered,
& hid in the shadows of shame.
He gave me full rein to destroy
so i tore the script of the world,
shredded the judgements of others,
moved from the careful & cautious,
plunged into the mystery bright.
it burned away the deep darkness.
it left me with nothing to hide.
He came like a storm in springtime.
i lay spread like dry earth below.
He was the downpour that drenched me
& pulled out the sprout from the seed.
He opened His arms, He claimed me,
He held me like music & art.
I am His drum, His brush & paint,
i am His words, His wordlessness.
i now celebrate Lord Shiva,
Who took me in & judged me not
& cared for me when i could not.
i knew i was not lost though they told me i was. i knew that i was blessed though they said i was cursed. i lived my days with them essentially unseen, courting the mystery ceaselessly calling me, utmost magnet of love attracting constantly. i am aware of You -- i feel You in my heart & in my brain & bones. You stroke me with soft wind, You sway in the shadows & You blaze in the sun. You call me from hiding & stand me before You, naked in my yearning, stripped of human learning. i am Yours, returning, open like a plowed field ready to receive seed. I knew I was not lost. I knew that i was blessed. I knew that it was You who comes to me at last.
THIS HAPPENED 