enjoy the laugh, Shiva!

just when i think i'm so free & detached, wham! i notice myself
clinging to definite identity preferences with fiery
passion that i thought was long-faded & finally extinguished.

a lifetime's cultivation of detachment & dispassion is
nebulous & vague in the face of a new irresistible
attraction, which i never did see coming. i learn that i am
not free at all, but am tied to ego-values with roots as deep
as crabgrass. how can i adhere to detachment alongside
the strong desire that i should be respected? they both stand nobly
in the arena of the mind, regarding each other. desire
circles around detachment, & confusion is born. clarity
crumbles into rubble at my feet. where is trust? kindness now has
suspicious squinty eyes & nothing seems dependable at all
anymore, just as i began to think that i'm free & detached!

enjoy the laugh, Shiva! i can see the irony too, but You
alone have the solution. i am patient. i will wait for You.
this is all Yours anyway, & i am Yours too, for we return
to the fact that only in You is there full resolution &
refuge for me, who comes from Your own ancient timeless origin.

Author: swadharma9

i am 81, living in a nursing home and deepening my spiritual life as is appropriate as one ages. i am a student of the Sanatana Dharma and a devotee of Lord Shiva.

7 thoughts on “enjoy the laugh, Shiva!”

  1. So beautifully said and makes me review myself and see how far I am from detachment…Things still matter too much, to me, to be able to totally detach…I trust that in the end,,,all detachment will come swiftly and totally…like a surrender

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Detachment versus desires, the need to be respected yet rise above it, trying to keep trust and kindness going….how beautifully you’ve expressed the eternal dilemmas, the irony of it all. Resonated deeply with this piece. The image is so vivid, interesting and thought provoking too. Thank you so much.🙏🏼🙏🏼🔱🌺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i so much appreciate your comments, Diti🙏🏼❤️i am learning that there is no actual completion of what i think i have overcome, only the next even more tantalizing challenge to continue the ongoing lesson in accepting humility with grace.

      Liked by 1 person

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