it is bright noon in a mystic hot fertile land. i descend the smooth worn
stone steps of the deep ancient stepwell, placing my feet carefully, treading
down & down. the burning sky above is shining in the well, reflecting,
blurring my orientation. i feel like i'm gliding through space into
a liminal realm where all possibilities exist in unison.
hidden portals open, & i find myself plunging fast down, down into
the well, down, down far beyond into a world of light, subtle & almost
invisible due to its ephemeral quality. it glows softly,
surging, as alive & responsive as an attentive mother cat at
nursing time. i curl up in this warm light, feeling like i am a tiny
kitten longing for my mother & all my kitten kin. the living light
lifts me up in one slow rolling movement, holding me close, snugly cuddled,
enfolded in holy love that nourishes me sweetly & completely.
now form melts away like wisps of morning mist in the warm sunshine. all that
remains is intelligent life, endless & immeasurable. without
the form, there is no separation, no discrimination, no struggle
towards a worthy goal, no hard-won conquest, no failure, no need at all.
the shining eye of the sky in the stepwell serves as a sacred lens to
magnify who i really am beyond the clamoring body/mind &
the scaffolding of its urgent needs. it has cleansed awareness & refreshed
the weary heart, as i slowly return to the form that houses me now.
filled with glad wonder, i ascend the time-worn stone steps up from the ancient
ancestral stepwell. i salute the fullness of the sun-drenched day, grateful
to You, Shiva, for Your ever-present teaching: my refuge & my strength.
You are closer to me than the body, which is on loan but for a while.
You, Shiva, remain forever & always with me, essence-deep inside.
as i age i become more fully aware of the softly binding skein
of attachments that surrounds the body-personality & weaves it
into the world of having & doing. the requirements, activities,
appointments! the expectations, desires, hopes, education & training!
lifelong this weaving persists, layer upon layer of entanglements,
of outer achievements & awards. i am held & cocooned within the
complex itineraries of others, drawing me further & deeper
into the world, securing me into the expanding global order.
thread by thread & stitch by stitch, i am now cutting through & pulling apart
the widespread web of hypnotic ties that urgently seeks to reattach.
the sociocultural necessities snort & snuffle restlessly,
while i steadfastly turn my back & struggle free; turn my back on them all.
ah, but love has caught me up, has charmed & secured me with a holy hand
that i cannot deny or flee! love has fixed me in place here & will not
let me go. it is more than i am: it is vast, & it is replacing
all other attachments with itself. Your universal medicine has
found me, Shiva, as i now merge with the many into the sacred One.
Your divine love dissolves the ties of the world & it dissolves me also,
Shiva, into the great spiritual heart where life always throbs as One,
knowing no other, & all pending accounts are paid in full forever.
the stones by the Dead Sea are rich with fossils & color. everything here
is brilliant & intense with power: the clear blue sky overarches the
bright blue-green of the Dead Sea. huge flat boulders rest in wadis & on slopes
near the rising tawny cliffs of Mount Yishai. they are dense with fossil shapes:
ammonites, trilobites & other nameless ancient creatures set in stone.
one can walk upon them, those primordial beings who were alive just
as we are now. presently they are wedded to stone, partnered close in a
fixed slice of time, paving the great pavilion of the House of Detachment.
being a friend of stones, i am at peace in the House of Detachment, as
i sit musing long hours with the fossil beings, dreaming with them as they
dream with me. they tell me "dark" & "cold," "bright" & "warm": their sharing is pure &
simple, innocent & primal. it feels like cool air wafting from a well.
our genes blend subtly. we dream together & i tell them about Shiva,
earth's holy caretaker who is known by His shape in stone. Shiva is the
earth reaching up to the sacred sky, sun & stars. He is like a finger
pointing toward the mystery, i tell them. He is a great stone column,
a divine lingam. Shiva is mountains, obelisks, towers, standing stones,
& cairns worldwide. they all announce & reflect Shiva's signature presence.
we who love Shiva see Him everywhere. He is generativity
& new life. He is rest & formlessness, decay of the old & outworn.
the fossil beings dreaming with me understand Shiva. they recognize
what it is to be of-the-earth. they span millennia of risings &
fallings, of villages & kingdoms. we are all cousins, here for a while
peering into the mystery, wondering & pondering together
in the House of Detachment, abiding in Shiva's enduring presence.
i come to You as a beggar when i ask You to grant me Your grace.
i come to You as a seeker when i chant Your mantra every day.
i come to You as a lover when i sing praises of Your glory.
i come to You as a servant when i find You living in my heart.
i come to You as a devotee, humble, having no words at all.
i come to You as iron comes to the irresistible magnet.
i come to You in gratitude that You saved me from my lonely hell.
dear Shiva, please bless me in these harsh times with the endurance & patience of earth;
the relentless persistence & generosity of water; the purity
& high energy of fire; the clarity & transparency of air; & the
acceptance & inclusiveness of space. i serve You through these living elements.
may i give of my intelligent light freely to all, as the sun teaches. may
i illuminate the mystery & wonder of darkness, as the moon teaches.
may i be a spark of encouragement & upliftment, as the blazing stars teach.
the sun, moon & stars call us to lift our eyes to the sky to be touched by guidance
& instruction from divine powers vaster than our human capabilities.
may i be a source of ever-renewing nurture & stability, as earth
teaches. may i be a source of circulating motion, ever including both
the lowest & the highest realms, as water teaches. may i be a source of pure
dynamic energy & enthusiasm, as fire teaches. may i be a
source of inspiration, movement, change, inquiry & detachment, as air teaches.
may i be a source of healing through the sacred power of OM, as space teaches.
dear Shiva, i am grateful that everything has the capacity to instruct,
as You have ordained for our continuing healing, evolution & wisdom.
i now rise up from the ashes of purification, another
layer of ancient error burned away. again, in this manner, the
sadhana continues: a rising into the noon of consciousness
after descent into the dark interior to enkindle light.
darkness ever comes in service to light. they circle like dance partners
in the most ageless ritual union our ancestors understood.
Shiva, i come forth as Your shakti in a pure primordial way,
as Parvati, Her holy self, also does. it is long ordained thus:
that the seemingly separate polarities blend as one in truth, &
we all rise in time from the ashes of divine purification.
sadhana sincerely continues, in both the light & the ashes.
there must be an earthquake away down deep inside me, because my
rivers have stopped flowing & great cracks have appeared in the distant
landscape. i must proceed carefully: no need to note the damage.
it is meant be be a wake-up call to get my full attention.
what has the earthquake released from its secret holding, cloistered in
the far interior depths? what now slowly steps from the crumbled
rubble? where is that light coming from? what is that subtle sweetness,
that fragrance whose dear scent is imbued with the invitation to
come closer? something living & good is calling for attention.
i, who am a cluster of conditioned thoughts wanting to be more,
draw near the One who is emerging from within. the earthquake
declares His advent as He comes forth. He is Shiva, from whom my
core atmic essence rises. it has taken an earthquake to shake
me awake, & i am here, Shiva, yearning to be as nameless, faceless
& clear as the air itself. guide me, that the heart may radiate
blessing & healing to all earthly life. om namah Shivaya!
THIS HAPPENED 