i am not meant to fit in or conform. i am made for the part of independent observer & outsider, watcher & listener. the body can no longer assert ties to my guardianship, for Shiva invites me to withdraw my vigilance over the body's condition & to release it to its natural process. i do. i release the body to its fate. i focus instead on Shiva: knowing Shiva, breathing Shiva, seeing, tasting, smelling & touching Shiva. i plunge deep into Shiva & take full refuge in Shiva, that i may live truly in Him, for i know that my home is not here. Shiva, hear my lament! or maybe it's a rallying cry for the forces of light to shine out ever more brightly & vividly. Shiva, hear my lament! or perhaps it's the dying cry of the ego as it exhausts the vasanas of the mind in weariness. Shiva, hear me in my loss & confusion & have compassion for this slowness & ignorance. hold me tightly as the ties to the world dissolve in the natural process of this transformation & flux. life is eternal; awareness is cosmic; words rest in the light of sudden pure direct knowing, & pieces & parts are one with the whole.