there are no words to describe You adequately & hence many words appear, like birds singing in the rising dawn. they can't help themselves. it's their dharma to sing at first light. i can't stop myself from discerning You in varied ways. i sense You like water gently raining down upon me, drenching me with Your ten thousand glorious names & forms. everything points to You, turns to You, just as sunflowers yearn earnestly for the sun & track its course in the sky. i seek You in events & persist until i find You. with equal determination I turn my gaze inward & seek You within the hidden "i" of this persona. ah Shiva! i play hide & seek with You as though i were a mischievous deva lost in an earthly frolic. i stand behind these many words i write for You, meaning well, just like the dawn bird who sings so joyously, or the tall sunflower lifting its face up to worship the sun. it is the dharma of my sunflower heart to love You.
You touch me with a gentle nudge of friendly tenderness, though You express through the insubstantial & not through flesh. i feel You nevertheless: Your signature energy, Your fragrant spiritual love that inspires the best in me. there is a fountain of light hidden deeply within me. Your dear presence brings it alive with sparkle & color. You warm the very center of me with Your touch of fire, with your inviting calmness & radical acceptance. there are no gazing eyes, no tempting lips, no shapes or forms. there is love that feels like ice melting slowly in sunshine, releasing into light the cold hard form that had seized it. in Your light, Shiva, edges & borders blur & dissolve. Your touch is like the delight of a rainbow remembered for its extraordinary timing & divine glow. it lives, keeping me company while the fountain of light at my core explodes like fireworks bursting into flowers.
holy is the rapture of fire & water, playing as spirit & matter, Shiva & Shakti, uniting. ah Shiva! let us float upon the waves of fond regard &, rising as mist, leave it all fading behind as we become transparent, as we become the splendor of light, as we become pure rainbow & nebulous aurora. oh Shiva! this dance of luminous flowing shapes dissolves into nameless effulgence of electrons! yet still You generously consent to these pale words as pointers toward that alluring numinous love calling us home. You are my home, Shiva, my heart's abode & resting place; i traverse this labyrinth of life securely in You.
when the sky splits open & sunshine pours through the broken clouds, i see You, Shiva. You have no form, yet Your presence is strong. may the heart be touched & blessings kindled. may sweetness be released to permeate all who dwell in deep appreciation of the sheer wonder of sky overhead & breath in the warm animal body. may we bow to Your fragrant presence here, Shiva. You make beauty from brokenness & angels from the most humble among us. when the sky splits open & sunshine pours golden honey through the clouds, i see You turning toward this fierce realm. i mirror You, shining light out freely to the world. this light is Your own, recycled through me, giving form to the formless, love to all.
You are present in all things, Shiva, down to the quarks & electrons of existence. i ponder this as i consider the nature of the bi-valve oyster & mussel. these sea & freshwater beings make glowing pearls from irritants which enter their shells. they enclose the discomfort in smoothly cool soothing nacre, pale & opalescent & humans value these pearls greatly, finding them to be healing & peaceful to touch. perhaps pearls demonstrate that all problems & irritants are but the seeds of blessings, the potential to create lambent beauty & wonder from a most unlikely source. pearls are born from the suffering of creatures, yet they bring calm sustenance to the heart. perhaps somewhere divine devic beings are uplifted by the beauty that we can cultivate from our challenges & adversity as we bring gentle compassion to surround our sorrows & pain while we forgive ourselves into grace & harmony. we bring joy to the overseeing angels & devas who cheer us on to create shining pearls of beauty from our sincere urge to be whole & complete within, at peace. ah Shiva! all that i am is Yours, whether lustrous nacre or thickly darkened dust: i withhold nothing. i am completely Yours in all ways for i myself come from You. whether tears of joy or tears of sorrow: all are the primal seeds of pearls for Shiva. thus the suffering of life transforms into the cultivation of beauty's soft glow.
lifetimes ago in a much younger version of this body, feeling abandoned & alone, i trudge in despair to work, crushed by circumstances. bound to a daily routine of duties working in a natural foods store, i am sweeping the floor. dull & stiff as a wooden doll, i pushed the broom slowly through the wholesome organic rubble of the spilled grain, flour & beans. suddenly a twinkling glimmer of gold pierces through my mood & i see a perfect gleaming gold star in the dusty dregs. time pauses as i stand thoughtfully, aware of Your presence, knowing that You offer me this radiant encouragement, knowing that You remain with me even when i turn away to stumble stubbornly on my solitary lonely own. You give me a gold star, Shiva, even in the density of personal teeth-clenched hopeless human abandonment. it is but a small gold star, yet magnified by the power of Your divine presence touching me & entering my heart. i yet carry that bright gold star in the deepest pocket of memory & my heart is blessed by the sweet fragrance of You. when i have nothing at all to cling to, Shiva, that is when You catch me in Your arms as i fall & hold me to Your heart. "cling to me," You whisper in my ear, "cling to Me alone now & i will carry you safely through to the end of all time."