what wind unsettles the roots of my hair now? what fire flickers in this enveloping night? i cry to the origin of wind & fire: Lift me higher, wind, so that i can see more. give more light, i beg fire, that i may see truth.
the wind wraps me in its fist & flings me far, shreds my deep certainties & my doubts to dust. the fire burns the dust to ashes, grey & thick. i am clothed in ashes, covered head to foot, though this is not visible to most people.
the world does not know that the fire yet flickers, hidden hot in the recesses of the heart. i feed it with the focussed attention of the pure rapt child who has just discovered a butterfly rising from dark concealment up into sunshine, wings glowing bright as embers.
what wind unsettles the roots of my hair now? it is You, Shiva, You as wind, as fire, as a suddenly revealed direct perception. You are the light & darkness, fully filling my awareness until You are so vast that You seem like a field of endless galaxies.
were i not clothed in invisible ashes, no one could see me through the resplendent light of Your presence holding my atoms in place: Shiva, lord of my heart & essence of all.
the fallow field is demonstrating rest to replenish reserves,
giving rise to the serendipitous wild growth that heals the earth.
the erupting volcano is demonstrating the power of
hidden forces far beyond human control or understanding.
the earth shaking, shifting beneath our feet, is demonstrating that
even the seemingly hard & firm is only temporary.
the vast fierce winds of a formidable storm are demonstrating
the untamable invisible force of that which we call air.
the flooding rivers & oceans are demonstrating the power
of permeability, perseverance & nonresistance.
the awe felt when viewing a rainbow or stars on a moonless
night is demonstrating the power of numinous mystery.
the blossoming flower garden is demonstrating the sublime
beauty of cooperative beings sharing innermost gifts.
the caring human being is demonstrating that goodness springs
up naturally to nourish & bless all planetary life.
thus in this manner, Shiva, all existence is demonstrating
intrinsic wholeness composed of many interrelating parts.
as the sun is to the circling earth; as the earth is to all its
living beings, so are You essential to me, without a doubt.
i embrace You, Shiva, in all this rampant variety &
unsettling change, for You alone are my heart's true compass & guide.
i am grateful to be aware of You dwelling deep in my heart
where Your light can leak out in thought & word & deed to bless & heal.
this very moment the hatchling finally cracks the egg-shell open,
tumbling forth, naked, wobbly & damp, heartbeat sounding, breath whispering
in, out, pulling "now" in, pushing out all that came before, repeating.
this very moment the shy nestling gawks over the rim of the nest,
body throbbing with her hunger, innocent eyes & mouth open wide.
this very moment the brave fledgling dares to test her new wings in flight
& plunges falling into the wind, which holds & lifts her high & free.
I am Your fledgling, Shiva, urged from within to stretch my wings & fly,
soaring with You beside me, ascending this very moment, right now!
i see the plump dark springtime clouds rolling over the near horizon,
rushing on their fingers of rain. this is You, frolicking in the sky,
Shiva! You weave Yourself through my hair in Your guise as the gusting wind.
ravens soar in circles above, rejoicing in Your divine presence.
i also soar in my own way, through intuition & heart & eyes,
delighting in the moist richness of wind & rain & Shiva my love,
in these exciting springtime energies rising up & raining down.
tender roots descend into primal wild earth, drinking hidden nurture,
abiding dusky deep & sweet within, urging tree & grain to green.
Shiva, You enter me as well, intimate as rain upon the earth,
softening the hard & brittle, increasing the receptive & moist.
You coax the yearning sprout from the seed, leaving all the tough husks behind
as testament to limitations transformed through Your grace, & released.
the world encompasses us like a glove, holding us in place,
making sure we know the moves & all the proper things to say.
Shiva says this is the embrace of a protective cocoon
designed to split open when we expand to fill it too tight.
it is meant as an interlude in a long cosmic journey,
& these words are but the quick flickers of one with wings in flight.
i see them draw together,
i observe them pull apart:
the sun & moon in a space
embrace, joining holy hearts.
flaming embers fall to earth,
descend from the cloudless sky,
hinting at the mystery
that the soul will not deny.
Shiva's dance goes on & on
as galactic seasons change.
His music calls. i respond
as i always do, again.
i see us draw together,
i observe us pull apart
in this sacred dance of life
wherein i give You my heart.
THIS HAPPENED 