following Your guidance, Shiva, i continue to review my life story & the blinders placed there by memory & society, finally revealed & stripped of their power. You have ripped the bandage from the wound & healed it with Your touch. You healed it with Your touch, strongly resembling a surgical procedure, as the whole is freed from the iron grip of the presumptuous part. i need a new perspective now. it's time. the upheaval of the quaking earth i long considered firm beneath my feet has flung me out of my resting place & tossed me in the air. & that is how i learned to fly & look from there on high to see the patterns playing out in a vast expanse. i see the story scrolling by, the hidden now revealed--& this life makes sense, i can see it now. this life makes sense at last! this life makes sense at last as the hidden stands revealed, shaped by Your holy hands to prepare me for the part i play. all i've learned in the past must now be dropped, must be left behind, just like the empty chrysalis when the butterfly takes flight & forgets all that had come before as if it were a dream.
You are woven through my life, patterned in my skin & bones. You have carried me through loss & danced with me in danger. my eyes have been uncovered: now i know You for my guide, see Your touch upon my fate. Your hand is raised in guidance, Your gaze enlightens my path. i am empty without You. the fragrance of Your presence invites me to cling to You, wife welcoming husband home.
You come in the form of an owl, swift-swooping close by my face to assure full wakefulness, calling out to me in kinship. You come in the form of a large majestic bobcat crossing the path i follow, pausing a few meters away to stare deeply into my eyes, entwined with me in wordless wonder. You come in the form of a raccoon, earnestly enraptured by the devotional chant i sing. You stand at my feet & place Your hands on my knees, peering up at me curiously. You come in the form of a fox, pulling me outside at night with the gripping power of Your commanding bark that beckons. You dance on the snow in the moonlight out in the fallow field & the heart responds to You as if You are my beloved. You come in the form of a mother bear bringing her three cubs for a family picnic at our generous bird feeders. You come in the form of a hawk soaring up over my head, grasping a snake in its talons, snagging my rapt attention. You come in the form of a shy flying squirrel at twilight, gliding smoothly, dipping down to hear as i sing sacred chants. You come in the form of a wild turkey seeking refuge while recovering from an injury, glad for the provided food. You come in the form of a gallant male grouse who soon becomes the wild turkey's companion as we all meditate beneath the sheltering branches of a sky-blessed hallowed hemlock tree. You come as the sun & moon, as all the earthly delights & heavenly realms that entice & enfold us in sweet wonder. Shiva, You are all that's left when I release everything, when there is not a "me" to perform any action at all, for action appears to take place in a spontaneous flow. in this manner, through me, You create these poems for sharing. thus, glad expression is given to the Source of existence. in the divine realm, these words are lotus blossoms & roses placed at Your holy altar, Shiva. here on earth they flow through the pen from the heart to You. i am Your wandering child coming home again, the wave ever returning to the ocean. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
i lay sick & powerless in a bleakly raw subjective realm. Shiva, i sought You but there was no ability to connect. i had little capacity to focus. neither mind nor heart was able to hold steady nor could the body find restfulness. i saw the inescapable fact of transience & that the body, from birth to death, is at the mercy of the fickle world. i saw the fixed agenda of the sociocultural rule & the curtailing framework of dogma, belief & submission. the shiny domain of civilization seemed rather uncivil as the coronavirus occupied my senses & raged its own battle against the entrenched forces held deep down within body & mind, digging up the time-worn bones of old suffering. i felt dispirited, Shiva, & vulnerable to culling for the offense of inconvenient & unwelcome viewpoints. i lay there unable to register Your presence & feeling like a pariah outcast refugee from another planet. this is where i see in my own life that the eternal goodness, who is given myriads of names, has repeatedly blessed me with supportive visions & insights. Shiva, You are the true source of my sustenance & guidance, providing strength & endurance. what need has the body for power when all power comes from You? what is the need for seeking acceptance from other people when You visit & love me within my heart's innermost chamber? who in all this manifested place could possibly equal You? You are the fire, Shiva, & i am a spark of You, flying from Your fire into the frying pan of this hungry jagat earth into this body, then forgetting. like the coronavirus, this place greatly dulls intuitive spiritual awareness. Shiva, thank You for providing me the experience of the coronavirus blocking me from You & bringing its parade of old energies to me. i endured it & outlasted it & i bow before You now in gratitude & humility. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!
i reach out to contact You, Shiva, but i cannot dent the dense interior coronavirus haze. i cannot reach You, so i drop into a deep daze. i sink. i float. i snag upon thorny vasanas, empty & drained of energy, joy & liveliness. the body resembles a zombie refugee, slow, heavy as gravity, composed of mud, meat & bone, now absolved by unthinking, unfeeling raw dark sleep. void of intent & organization, there is rest, a descent & upsurge, a cleansing, a long release. Shiva, reduced in vitality by a virus, i look for You behind the moving shadow surface anyway, for only You give the depth that i seek, the height that i aim for & the strength to continue. i am Your own primal kin returning now to You. i bring poems, offered like the tinsel gifts of crows, sincerely grateful that You are here to receive them, these small shiny bright innocent tributes i give now. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA