i have done this before: continually urged myself to progress, accepting that there would be ups & downs, blessings lost & blessings found. i am not new to this journey, neither do i rejoice nor complain. there is really no choice, for basically i follow my own nature: that which i genuinely want to do, which circumstances call forth.
the mind is programmed by life to respond in certain ways, according to the situation set-up of this dreamlike domain of jagat. there is great joy in expressing within the flow of ones own nature, feeling the fullness of energy building & its smooth streaming forth to evolve, flower & fruit, & gladly to share the final harvest.
once i stood before a tapestry hundreds of miles in length & width. i contemplated a single square inch of it & found fault & flaw, no meaningful pattern or redeeming quality could i find there. You, Shiva, came to me & took my hand, pulling me along with You. You showed me such vast sweet glory that the budding inner self quickened & blossomed in the light of it all, in the wonder & radiance.
I saw that the whole vast pattern seamlessly included even that single small inch too &, at that moment of direct knowing, i ceased judging what i perceived & began to rejoice in the layered complexity of divine love & in You, Shiva, my authentic, inclusive, good, pure, vital, vibrant, enduring connection to wholeness.
so it is that i simply take what comes into my life & love it into a meaningful pattern, to the best of my ability. i earnestly move forward toward You who have called me & to whom i have given all that i am now & all that i may yet become. this writing chronicles it, for there is no other journey for me.