because the body is now old i reside in a nursing home. i look back over my lifetime, piecing its events together from a wide-angled perspective. i don't look at other's judgements but at the many blessings that You have given to me, Shiva. now i have sufficient distance from all the stories & events to see that they all point to You. no others have seen this for me or could see it from the outside. neither did i see it until old age slowed me down & illness forced me to change my point of view. with Shiva enthroned in my heart, pulling the veils away slowly, i see disaster transform to positive redirection, grace. i observe shame disappearing in the light of understanding. i see You in all that happens through revelation & insight. i see Your graciousness to me even during my ignorance. my life is now service & gift when i look through the clear lens that reveals the arcane patterns of blessings concealed from the world & the slicing gaze of skeptics. behind the apparent events i see Your divine hand at work, hidden from the sight of others, signaling to me of Your love. i am grateful, my Lord Shiva! i am grateful You came to me, that You taught me & guided me throughout this long life that others could neither comprehend nor bless. You are all that i desire & all that i seek or attend to. You have chosen me as Your own & i rest in Your protection. You are the heart of this life & all that i need & want.