inner weather

a grey mood squats heavily on my head,
dropping a veil on the face of the day,
muting sound & body, muffling the mind.
this inner weather comes with no warning,
wrapping around me in a strangling shroud.
i'm a zombie shuffling stubbornly through
daily routines in dull obedience.

Shiva, my thoughts & feelings are all wrapped
in multiple layers of sticky webs,
trapping my fingers & feet immobile.
my call to You sounds like a croaking frog.
there is no color in my life today,
just one thing after another to do
in an endless succession of demand.

ah Shiva! You are sky opening up!
You are tree that calls me to its shade,
the burst of sweet birdsong that pierces the
veil of the ordinary & mundane.
You are the bright sun & i am a ray
You sent to shine in this shadowy world.
the grey mood is blushing rosy pink now.
a burst of glory unfurls in the sky
& You are here in Your fullness, Shiva!

that inner weather is all-consuming
when it has its grim day of dominion.
dear Shiva! now i know the password to
exit that grey place of oblivion:
it is Your name! i call You ceaselessly,
i call You persistently. You are life,
& touch my heart & i belong to You.

please forgive the long forgetful grey days
when i lapse & the body weighs heavy
& my wanting You is but a dull ache.
i vow that i'll always return to You
as vision returns to opening eyes,
& lovers forever return to love.

Author: swadharma9

i am 79, living in a nursing home and deepening my spiritual life as is appropriate as one ages. i am a student of the Sanatana Dharma and a devotee of Lord Shiva.

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