i looked through the eyes of the damned, i looked through the eyes of the cursed. i wallowed in sorrow & smut, swallowed by dark ruminations that laid me down flat like roadkill. yet still Lord Shiva approached me, He opened His circle to me. i turned away, my face covered, & hid in the shadows of shame. He gave me full rein to destroy so i tore the script of the world, shredded the judgements of others, moved from the careful & cautious, plunged into the mystery bright. it burned away the deep darkness. it left me with nothing to hide. He came like a storm in springtime. i lay spread like dry earth below. He was the downpour that drenched me & pulled out the sprout from the seed. He opened His arms, He claimed me, He held me like music & art. I am His flute, His brush & paint, i am His words, His wordlessness. i now celebrate Lord Shiva, Who took me in & judged me not & cared for me when i could not.